The Girl He Didn't Want

Chapter 7

Mayas POV

"I thought you were white". 

I looked at him dumbfounded and didn't exactly know what to do with myself. Was he serious? 

I mean... What was that supposed to mean?

"Excuse me? I'm not following you..." I trailed off waiting for him to give me an explanation. Maybe I heard it wrong? But I couldn't see what else he could have said. 

He started to look very uncomfortable and was beginning to shift in his place. He seemed surprised and so not prepared right now. 

"I... Erm. You know what? I'm sorry. I just thought you were white" he said while shrugging his shoulders. 

"Okay... But I'm not as you can see. Is that a problem?" I chuckled and then held my breath and hoped he would somehow save this conversation and also try to turn this awkward situation into a bliss again as before.  

"Uhm, you know I just figured out that I might not still be ready for a relationship. Yet... I just got out from a long relationship, you know..." 

You have got to be kidding me! 
I was not buying this crap from him. I interrupted his fine little speech and said: "James, just please tell the truth, thank you". 

He looked down on his lap and somehow looked defeated and stonewalled. What happened! I was about to freak out! He lifted his head up again and looked me straight in the eyes. 

"I don't date black girls"

I stared at him for a while without saying anything to him. The emotions running through me was chaotic and complicated. Here I was, sitting here with a handsome man and putting myself out there after ages and this is what I got? He just simply didn't date black girls? Suddenly I just wasn't good enough because of my skin color?

We sat there on this very date for almost three hours and we had chemistry, we had fun, we flirted and we held hands. And suddenly when the lights came on he backed out? Because of my skin color... I felt like a heavy wooden chair had just hit me in the face. I felt prejudiced and wronged. 

"I'm sorry... I really thought that we had a good time..." I hesitated for a second but then I changed my mind. I had to say something to this rude man! And I mean, I really had to stand up for myself this time. I looked at him with a glare and spoke directly to him.

"First of all, you should never have said yes to this kind of blind date if you wanted to make sure that none other than white women would show up". I hissed at him and was surprised to hear my own voice sound so cold. My heartbeat was at a fast pace now as I stood up from my chair and picked my handbag up from the back of the chair. He looked at me with a frown on his face and said: "It's nothing personal. It's just how my preferences are". 

I looked at him in disbelief. Did this man just say it wasn't anything personal against me? But he just rejected me for being different! Wow, I was indeed astonished! And not in a good way I must say. I couldn't look at him anymore, so I asked for my coat and waited for the waiter to come. 

Before I walked away from him I turned around and faced him bravely. "By the way, sorry to break it to you but I'm brown". 

"Excuse me?" He looked confused at me. This man - it was beyond belief! 

"You referred to me as black. I must correct you and tell you that there is a difference. I am brown". As I told him that, I quickly turned around again so my back was visible to him and I walked away. 

When I got my coat, I rapidly put it on and went outside so I could finally breathe. I didn't care about not offering to pay for the dinner. He should pay for the dinner anyway for being such an airhead. I got into my car and before I even could take my keys out to start the engine a sudden sob came out of my mouth. My eyes got itchy and it began to sting in my chest. 

The pain of being rejected like that was beyond any imagination. It was even hard to explain to myself. I felt inadequate, repulsed, and unappealing. I sat in my car for a while and just sobbed. Was I that hideous to look at or what? 

My head was beginning to ache from the crying. I wiped my tears off with my sleeve of the coat and drove back home. I didn't turn the radio on nor did I do anything else while driving. When I parked the car I almost ran back to the apartment and threw my bag in the entrance as I stormed into the bedroom. I pulled my black turtleneck off of me and took off the leather skirt that I had worn. 

I just wanted to vanish from this world. I began to think about all those things that my ex-boyfriend, Oliver said. My heart became heavy. 

I walked into the bathroom to get my make up off. As I was removing my deep red lipstick form my lips, my eyes caught my reflection in the mirror. I stopped moving and looked long enough at my face before I started to cry even more. The tears wouldn't stop and I began to feel hatred towards myself. I touched my face lightly. 

I don't date black girls... 

I thought you were white... 

As his voice kept echoing in my head I started to hit myself in the face. I somehow irrationally tried to scratch my brown color away with my nails. I wanted the color to come off. I wouldn't feel this way if I was white and had maybe blonde hair. I didn't belong here. But I was born here! What could I do? 

I knew what I was doing was irrational and a result of rejection. I took some deep breaths to calm down a bit. My headache was growing stronger and overwhelmed me. I drank a glass of water and curled up in my bed. 

I'm never gonna do something like that again. I wanted to just erase this bad experience. I felt ashamed for being attracted to such a man who gave the impression of being a gentleman but in the end he was just a shallow man who didn't value human beings for who they were.