The Girl He Didn't Want

Chapter 42

Mayas POV

'Did you enjoy your dinner?' The waiter asked kindly after we had paid for our meal. Or it wasn't really me paying. James paid for the dinner. He was such a gentleman.
We got our coats on and headed outside.

'I really enjoyed eating there James'

'I'm just happy that we got a proper date where it didn't involve me saying something stupid to you like the first date we had' he smirked at me and I smiled vaguely. I had a tiny sting that hit my chest when he mentioned that. He never knew how bad I felt that day. And of course, he wouldn't know anything – I didn't dare tell him how he broke me.

'Yeah, trust me – It was good that you didn't see me when I got home that night' I laughed a little after saying that.

Shit! I just exposed myself. Please don't ask it. Please, please, please!

'What do you mean?'

'Actually... hmm. About our first date...' He turned to look at me, still smiling at me and waited for me to continue.

'I-I um... You know what? Never mind' I shrugged my shoulders and kept walking. As he didn't follow me, I stopped and turned to watch him stand behind me and gawking at me.

'No, babe tell me. What did you want to tell me? What about that day?'

I sighed. Here we go.

'Well, after I left the restaurant I was actually really hurt. I got the impression of you not liking me at all. And when you mentioned my skin color, I just broke into pieces'

He didn't say anything. I kept going anyway.

'I actually went home crying my eyes out. And...' I stopped for a bit and then bit my lip. This was about to get weird for him. I laughed a little to lighten the mood even though I knew I already blew it.

I closed my eyes and spat it out.

'I tried to scratch my skin to get my brown skin color off''. There, I said it. Now he could laugh all he wanted. I wasn't stupid! I knew that any man who got such information would laugh their asses off. But I didn't hear anything. My eyes were still shut close tightly, but I got nervous now. I slightly opened one eye to see what he was doing.

He just stood there. Like he was frozen into an ice sculpture. I tried to smile playfully at him to change the subject or change anything at all, for that matter but failed at it. He just stood there inhaling and exhaling. Then he took a step forward, cupped my face with his hands and looked straight into my eyes.

'I never knew I hurt you that badly' he looked beaten up and he looked resentful. I felt bad about telling him this. I shouldn't have said anything.

'Hey, look at me babe. Wait... Don't cry Maya.'

It was uncomfortable sharing such a secret with him. Telling him my insecurities made me feel smaller than I already was. Tears were silently falling at my cheeks leaving me embarrassed to let him in.

'I, I just wanted to feel accepted by a man. What Oliver did back then ruined me, but it broke me, even more, to have heard it again after years. I tried so hard to not let such comments get me, but when you rejected me for how I looked back then, I hated myself even more'

I couldn't control my feelings. For a long time, I had tried to not show my vulnerable side. How I felt about myself. I always strived to make people see a confident and happy me. But this time I shattered.

'Hey, come here' He hugged me, and I just let out a few sobs on his chest. He embraced me and I felt his warmth. It was cold outside. Whenever I exhaled through my mouth, I could see fog coming out.