[GODSFORRENT Special] Seven-Minute Semblance in Quarantine

Quarantine #18

[372A High Street:]

Arthur: ...

Arthur: So you ordered live chicken online...?

Lance: (proudly) I did.

Arthur: And someone actually sold you one?

Lance: They did.

Arthur: (to Futhark) You let him order live chicken online?

Futhark: Nahiwagaan po ako sa kayang gawin ng internet at natuwa po ako na kaya na pong umorder ng manok online.

Lance: Relax, it's just online shopping. What could go wrong?

Doorbell dings.

Lance: And it's fast, see? I bet that's our order.

Arthur: (rolls his eyes and follows Lance to the doorway)

Excalibur: Kayo po ba 'yung umorder ng—ohhh Sir Ducere, Sir Lukas! Magkasama po pala kayo ngayon—bakit magkasama po kayo ngayon at bakit po kayo bumili ng buhay na manok—

Lance: ... Why are you selling chickens online?

Excalibur: Family business po? At saka pagala-gala lang naman itong mga 'to malapit dito.

Lance: Is one of those chickens perhaps... Ferdinand?

Excalibur: Yata? Hindi ko alam sir, may batang naglagay ng nametag sa kanila pero inalis ko rin.

Lance: Do you own those chickens?

Excalibur: Opo. May bukid po kami.

A chicken flies from Excalibur's cart and lands on Arthur's head.

Arthur: (stands perfectly still so the chicken doesn't leave his head)

Arthur: This chicken has been on my head for 3 seconds but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this house and then myself.

Lance: Wala ka bang ibang manok na binebenta, Excalibur?

Excalibur: Ano po bang gagawin n'yo sa manok, mga sir... at sinu-sino po kayo sa bahay na 'to?

Lance: Bakit, taga-DSWD ka? Nagsu-survey ka ng mga pamilya?

Excalibur: Nagtataka lang sir, grabe.

Futhark: (comes out) May problema po ba sa—oh.

Excalibur: Nandito ka rin?

Futhark: (slowly backs off and hides behind a plant) (whispers) Sir Lance secret po ba na nandito kami?

Lance: Tingin mo hindi ka kita kapag nagtago ka r'yan?!

Excalibur: May party nga kayo?

Arthur: (is still not moving for the chicken's sake)

Lance: We're not throwing a party!

Futhark: Sabi n'yo sir magce-celebrate tayo ng birthday ni Joyeuse?

Lance:

Lance: Futhark why don't you go and grab Arthur's oreos from my closet?

Futhark: Okay po. (leaves)

Excalibur: Bakit may oreos po si Sir Lukas sa cabinet n'yo, sir?

Lance: Bakit ang dami mong tanong?

Excalibur: Babayaran n'yo po ba 'yung manok sa ulo ni Sir Lukas?

Lance: Of course not, we're not buying i—