Chapter 31- Believe

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Winter was harsh. It was unbearable. It had its ups and downs, but the problem was that there were more downs than the ups. And that's what put everyone off. Off everything. Work, speaking and it took a lot of energy off as well. Depression settled over most of us.

The walkers got slower due to the cold, making it slightly easier for us. It got a bit too frosty so I think it was their limbs that stiffened. There was barely any snow as well, so we didn't get stuck. But that means that the walkers didn't either.

The new people, newbies as T-Dog calls them, werent murderers as Lori and Carol thought. No, they are actualy pretty helpful and nice. They grew accustomed to our rhythm of 'kill and scavenge'. Also Gabe seems to have taken a liking to Carl. Not in the creepy pedophile way...

Ryan seems to be expert at checking Beth out while shamelessly chatting up her older sister and me. But once Daryl heard him, he made it perfectly clear that I was off limits. Maggie also had a makeout session with Glenn and I made sure Ryan could see. Asshole. And as Alyssa would say, a fuckboy.

Gabe and Jack seemed to have grown quite close. And by close, I mean close. I saw Carol complaining to Lori about us having 'gay assholes' in our group and how that was a 'bad influence' for Carl. But Lori just told her there's nothing wrong with that, causing Carol to bring God into it. So I told her that her bitching was a bad infuelce on Carl. Lori aprooves.

As for Alex... she's prooven positive on tests for Depression and insomnia. I vaguely remember the quiz sheets I gave to my patients so I could determine their mental illness better. I don't want to label her anything though. She might not even have those illnesses.

It's not my business, but when us women were washing up in a river, I saw the cuts that litter her body. It reminded me of me. And I know how hard it is. How much it hurts you on the inside. No matter what you do, your demons won't drown. Because they know how to swim. Now that was some cliché shit I said right there and I'm not going to say that ever again.

The bad things? Quite a few of those. Ammo? We're low on that shit. The bag with our ammo got left behind at the farm, and all we had left was the backpack of guns I found in the boot of my Impala while looking through it.

Communication is at the lowest it's ever been. Each of us only have a selected few we talk to. In my case, Daryl, Glenn, Rick and Jack along with Carl and occasionally Beth. Even that's a lot.

As for Rick, he only talks to me and occasionally Daryl. I'm beginning to get more sickly worried about him than I already was. He hasn't spoken directly to Lori ever since their argument after the farm got overran. The only time he speaks to others is when he's giving orders or discussing where we go next.

Lori's grown. You can see a small bump forming already. Hershel says she has about six months left before the baby comes, meaning we'll have to find a place to settle. But that's going to be a bit hard, because for the past three months that we've been on the move, there hasn't been a sign of a safe heaven. Nothing at all. The black house we scavenged also got over run and we had to flee. Shame. I liked it.

Spring was even worse. It got warmer, so the walkers got a lot faster. But they're still a little slower than they were before. That was a fucking bummer.

We moved from house to house, none proving to be safe due to us being chased away by herds of walkers. Or the structure was too weak and collapsing. I even heard Maggie suggest that we go back to the farm, only to be shushed by things like 'the farm could still be over ran'. I suppose that's a valid argument. Although I'd still like to see for myself.

At this point, there was barely any conversation. The only people I spoke to on regular basis were Daryl, Jack, Rick and Glenn. I don't think Lori, Carl, Hershel, Carol and Alex talk at all. We're a broken group. And that's the sad fact. I wish there was something I could do to fix this.

We don't use guns anymore, just silent weapons such as knifes. Sure, we still keep the little guns and ammo we have left in the boot of my baby. We just don't use them unless it's completely necesary. Gas and food arent a problem yet. Neither is medicine, due to our little trip to Wallmart a few months back.

Lori's grown quite a bit as well... And as expected, no sign of a safe place where we can settle down. I'm starting to loose hope. I'm a pessimist, so this was bound to happen sooner or later.

Summer was the same. Even less ammo, Lori becoming fucking huge, less conversation and less hope for us. The only good thing is that there's no wind, so there wasn't a risk of our scent carrying and attracting the killing canibal freaks.

But now that it's Fall, things changed. Lori only has two or so months left, me and Daryl had sex-but that's a story for another time-, Rick's starting to finally talk to a selected few and Alex has grown on Glenn and me. She told me about the depression, but not the cuts. She needs to take her time, and I completely understand that.

What are we doing right now? Clipping a fence so we can get into a prison. A place where we wouldn't go near just about a year and a half ago. A place with walls, fences and protection. A place we need to clear out first, but would be safe afterwards. A place that could be sanctuary for us all.

(A/N)
Here's the next chapter! I've got 2.63k views! Thank you so much guys! I hope your New Years Eve was awesome!
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