Swords of Isadren (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Eleven: Touch

Asman woke the next morning warm, his body covered in furs and blankets.

He hummed at the feeling of them against his bare chest and opened his eyes slowly while he continued to wake, a smooth grey light of day making his eyes sensitive.

He was in Niallen's tent, with nearly the whole Guard looking at him with both concern and tension. It startled him at first, but as the events of the previous night filtered into his mind he froze.

"Oh. Oh, god." Asman whimpered and felt his heart prickle with panic.

Did they know? Did the Guard know that he destroyed a tree? That he could not control himself and so he had burned a living creature to just a stump so that voices would stop screaming at him?

Tears formed at his lower lash line and his breathing picked up as he sat up and tore the furs and blankets off of him. He was not wearing the same trousers as he had last night, but at least these were dry. Asman was only skeptical at who had stripped and dressed him.

He shook those thoughts away easily while he pushed to try and stand up. Asman had almost succeeded, but was intercepted by Niallen's arm coming out to discourage him getting up.

"Stop. You need to rest after what-"

"D-do not touch me. Please, please do not touch me I can not control it, Niallen." Asman scooted as far back as he could into the tent wall and way from Niallen's arm.

"Asman, you should calm down. You do not need to control it, your magic is depleted from what you achieved last night. It will likely be days until you are able to do any damage." Niallen spoke gently and raised a hand non threateningly.

Asman only raised a hand to his hair and shook his head, clenching his eyes shut and gritting his teeth while he forced the tears to disappear.

"Achieved? Achieved... to kill a creature that meant no harm. Achieved giving in to voices screaming at me to murder like I had choice in the matter." Asman's brows furrowed and his grip tightened in his hair. "No, no, I did have a choice. At least I think I did. Did I have a choice? I must have; I should have controlled myself. What is a bit of yelling compared to draining the life of something just so that you feel better? I am going mad, I knew it. This is what I am now. A mad man who kills things to quiet the voices, oh god."

Asman whimpered and tugged at his hair harder, the pain only making more tears worm their way down his face.

"Asman, this is only what you are making of it. You are not mad, but you will be if you let it become so. The spirits will call for you, but you need to ignore them even if they scream. Death Magic can be comforting once you learn to control it."

Niallen's voice was calm, but had a bit of sternness to it that Asman was all too familiar with.

He did not know if he could resist those voices again. They had been so loud and demanding of him, it almost felt easier to give them what they wanted.

"You also do not have to go through this alone. We will help you along the way, dear heart."

Asman inhaled shakily at Dahlias voice from his side, her tone sweet and concerned.

He would never forgive himself if he lost control and killed her. What if he did not know it was even happening? If it was the middle of the night and his magic leaked from him, murdering her and all the other Guards.