save me | bts

Chapter 25

1 month later

Procrastination was a rabbit hole, and you fell straight through. Over the course of the next four weeks, you could never find the right time to talk to the boys. You convinced yourself it was simply because you didn't want to be the cause of their frowns, but you knew deep down it was because you were scared. Coward, your mind said, everytime you left the boys' dorm, words still unsaid. 

It was now the night before the Gaon awards ceremony. You were at KQ Entertainment, running over last minute corrections with Ateez. The boys were rehearsing in their costumes, and Seonghwa was grumbling about having to lift up his shirt in front of a large crowd. Under normal circumstances, you would've joined the others in teasing Seonghwa for his timidness. The eight boys had quickly become like younger brothers to you, and you felt very comfortable around them.

Today however, you were extremely anxious. Nerves regarding tomorrow's award show left you unable to eat or sleep all day. You were sitting on the ground, leaning against the mirrors with your eyes closed, drowning out your surroundings. Your head was pounding from the lack of care you were giving your body. 

You heard rustling of clothes nearby and opened your eyes, turning your head to see Yeosang sitting next to you. He gave you a calm, reassuring smile. "Is everything alright noona? You don't look very well."

You tried to give Yeosang a convincing smile, but it came out as more of a pained grimace. "Just nervous for tomorrow," you said, looking away, hoping he wouldn't push on.

"Liar." You jerked your head back towards the boy, eyes wide in shock. Yeosang had always been respectful towards you, so his accusation was surprising to say the least. "Aren't you the same person who gave us a big long speech a few days ago about how you should channel your nerves into energy? And how ignoring your health because your nervous is detrimental to an idol's career."

As Yeosang threw your words back at you, verbatim, you hugged your knees to your chest. 

"It's just some issues with my soulmates, Yeo. Nothing for you guys to worry about. You should go practice."

Yeosang stayed planted where he was. "It might help to talk about it. I've been told I'm a good listener. Much better than Wooyoung in any case," he said, never wasting the opportunity to tease his friend.

"Hey!" Wooyoung cried from the other side of the practice room. By now the rest of the boys had taken notice of the somber mood, and taken a seat surrounding you as well.

You looked at them all, their faces a mixture of worried and concerned. "One of my soulmates...he has to make this decision with his job and if he chooses what's best for him, it might hurt one of our other soulmates. He doesn't want to lose our soulmate, but losing this job can hurt his career, and the careers of his partners. He asked me for advice, but I don't know what to say." You tweaked the story a little, knowing you couldn't tell the boys the whole truth. 

They all looked pensive as they listened to what you said. You could tell they were confused on what to say as well. Finally, Hongjoong turned to you, face resolute. 

"If I were him, I'd take the job."

"You would?" you asked, hesitantly. He nodded.

"Of course. If the decision is between his career and his soulmate, he should be confident enough in his bond with his soulmate to choose his job. If his soulmate truly cared for him, he would be supportive of his career choice," Hongjoong said, firmly.

You shook your head in disagreement. "It's not that simple-"

"Why not?" San asked, innocently. "We can't always give up a piece of ourselves to please others, or else we'd have nothing left."