2.1 Hold on to me | ✔

21 | Loving you

Amelia is keeping my sister entertained with criminal shows while my parents are sitting in front of me. They had to talk with me about everything that would happen if my mother would be gone. I should keep an extra eye on Alessia who would lose control over herself. She would be doing all kinds of bad stuff and surround herself with people who would take advantage of her. We didn't want her to go through all of that stuff again.

"I know that you expected to hear something else but we can't. I really wish I could have, Carson." My parents are holding each other's hands at the top of the table. Finding strength in each other. "We had an appointment yesterday with the doctor, and she told us that the treatment is not working. Your mother doesn't have long anymore and that is why we wanted to talk with both of you apart."

My dad squeezes her hand tight, holding on to her. He knows that it won't be any longer until he has to give away the love of his life to a battle that was made to lose. She never really had a chance to get better because she had lied to all of us. The cancer is everywhere and she never told us about it. She kept all of that hidden for us. "Your sister slammed with doors and screamed for hours when we told her yesterday. We just want to make sure that you can help her when the time comes."

We all take a look at Alessia that is explaining everything to Amelia who is focused on her. She had promised me that she would keep herself busy with my sister and maybe talk with her about her feelings. She also told me that my sister looks like her and that is why she would be the best option to talk with her about everything going on in her life.

She wants to talk with her about her feelings. And that is something they are both really bad at. They don't know how to talk about their feelings but maybe this will help. Amelia does look like she is trying to talk with her at the moment. I think I have never seen Alessia so quiet before in my life, she keeps staring at Amelia who just keeps talking with her.

"We want to make sure that both of you understand that I tried everything. But I started a battle that I knew I was going to lose." My mother is crying, and I want to go over to her and hug her. But I am stuck on this chair, I could barely move my legs. "I want you to know that I am proud of you. I am always going to keep an eye on you from above."

It is my time to start crying and my dad extends his hand to me. He squeezes it lightly while comforting my mother. Not hard since she is so fragile since her treatment started. She is tired. "I will make sure that you won't do anything stupid to mess up the relationship you have with Amelia. I have never seen you so happy before in your life. She really is the reason that you are smiling all the time. And I don't want you to mess that up."

Typically my mother talking about my love life even when she is telling me that she doesn't have long anymore. "I really hope that I won't hurt her. Because I really do love her, mom." My mother takes my other hand and we are all crying now. I know that these days would be hard for me, I had to make sure that I could spend as much time with my mother as possible.

I want to make sure that I spend as much time with my mother as possible. It is not easy knowing that my mother won't be here anymore in a few weeks. I want to stay here and be the little Carson again that she loves. I want her to caress my hair and tell me that everything will be okay in the end. That she will be there for me and hold my hand tight.

I want my mother.

"You should go back inside and spend some time with your sister. She is not handling it well, Carson. She got drunk last night and we had no idea where she was until one of her friends called us." I squeeze my parents their hands one more time before closing the door behind me. I know that is what they want from me, help my sister out and make sure she doesn't do anything stupid.

"Did you solve the murder already?" Alessia rolls her eyes while taking another handful of popcorn. She hands Amelia another chocolate who keeps a sympathetic smile on her face. She knows that I am keeping myself tough at the moment, I don't want my sister to see that I am weak. I want her to know that I am going to be strong for both of us.

Amelia would tell me that it is okay to be weak sometimes. I don't have to be strong all the time but I couldn't afford it. My sister is counting on me. Every single person in this family is counting on me to not break down. "If you let me watch all of these shows, the police won't ever find your body back if you cheat on me."

Alessia chuckles when she sees that Amelia isn't joking about it. I could always trust her to make everything a bit better for me. She is the best thing that happened to me in the past few months. She is the reason that I wake up in the morning with a smile on my face. She lays beside me in peace and I just know that I love that girl with my whole heart.

She is the reason that I keep holding on.

***

Letting the tears roll down my face is the only solution I have. I have no idea how to handle all of the information about my mother and how my sister is handling all of this. I want nothing more than to just freeze time for the rest of my life so I can keep everyone that I love, close to me. I want to keep my mother in my life and go cry in her arms like a little child. I want to be weak for a moment.

"Carson, do you want to be alone? Or do you need anything else?" Amelia is on the other side of the door, I hear her debating to knock on the door for the past ten minutes. I have locked myself in the bathroom with the shower running. "Not really. I don't know what I want or need."

She slowly opens the door and she gets beside me in the shower. The water is hitting her clothes but she could care less about that. She wraps her arm around me, letting my head lay down at her shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it or not? You decide what and how long it will take for you to leave the bathroom."

"I just want everything to be back to normal." Amelia starts to rub my arm, making some circles with her nails. She lays her head at mine and I close my eyes. I didn't know that I needed her that much in my life, I don't think that I would have talked to my parents without her. She has been the reason that I made the first move to talk with my parents about everything going on.

"I know that you want that but it won't be possible. You can pretend for the next few days that everything stays the same but keep in mind that it won't." She starts to hum a song while the shower keeps going. I could care less about wasting water but it is better to cry in the shower where my parents couldn't hear me than have them asking me questions.

"Can you please promise me to keep holding on to me? I know that it won't be easy for me once she dies but I need you to hold on to me." I take a deep breath before looking up at her. Her ocean-blue eyes were locked with mine and she just nods her head at me. I had to make sure that she would be here for me when everything will go wrong in my life.

"You are the light in my life, Amelia. I really can't live without you." She kisses my forehead and hugs me so tight that I broke down once again. "I will never leave you, Carson. I am too in love with you to ever let go of you."

"I love you, my love."