2.1 Hold on to me | ✔

28 | Full of love

"How is that lovely boyfriend of yours doing? Is he still staring at you like you hung up the stars?" I smile at my mother that is smiling widely back at me. I am trying to forgive her for everything that she put me through at such a young age. It is hard sometimes but not impossible, I just have to be less judgmental and let her try. I have to give her a chance to get back into my life.

She is wearing a bright yellow dress while her blonde hair is in a ponytail. My stepdad is behind her in the kitchen, wanting to talk with me too. "He has been a bit down lately but I am trying my best to help him. I just don't want to see him hurt but I know that is meant to happen." My mother gives me a weak smile, knowing what I am talking about.

"His mother is still not better?" I shake my head because his mother has been spending her days at her bed. It has been two weeks now since she was dancing in the kitchen with us but now she could barely walk. I have seen the sad smile on her face more than I wanted to when Carson and Alessia are sitting next to her. Both holding on to her hand like it is the last hope they have. "She is not getting better, mom."

"Carson is calling her every single day, making sure that she is smiling with his jokes. I can see that it is hurting him to pretend to be okay around her, but he doesn't want her to see him sad. He wants to make sure that she only remembers the good things they went through." I feel the tears in my eyes remembering all the nights that I have held Carson close to me while he is crying. Breaking down in my arms and I can't do anything for him.

"I don't really know what to say, Lia. I think you just need to be there for him during all the hard days. I know that it will ask a lot about your time but he is going to appreciate that. He might be pushing you away but you have to be strong and tell him that you are not going to leave him. That you are going to love him through all the hard times too." I let the tears roll down my face while my mother starts to cry too.

"I am sorry for not being a good mother, Lia." My stepdad wraps his arms around my mother and gives me a little weak smile. I have been giving them both a chance to show me that they want me in their family. It is not easy for me because I am scared to get hurt again. I don't want to open up again to my mother when she is not fully ready to take me in her life. "Now is your time to show me the opposite, mom."

Since Carson's mother, I have been thinking more about my own mother. I don't want to look back at my life and say to myself that I didn't give her a chance. I want to know that I gave her all the chances in the world and she was the one who didn't take them. I want my mother in my life even if it means, having to open up to her. I want to forgive her but that doesn't mean I will forget what happened. I will always remember that but I want to have her back in my life.

"Tell Carson that I am here for him. If he ever wants to talk with someone, he can always call me. I know that I am not you or his friends but I am here for him. I care about him." Eric kisses the top of her head and I know that they are happy together. It took me a while to register that my mother could be happy with someone else in her life. "I care about him because he makes you smile so widely, Lia. He is the best thing that happened to you and I can't thank him enough for that."

"I will do that, mom." She hangs up the phone after blowing a kiss to me. I let myself fall on my bed and let the tears go. The tears that I have been holding in every single night when I am next to Carson. I don't want to be weak around him and let myself break down too. I want to be strong for him and make sure that everything is okay with him.

I want him to know that I am always going to be there for him. I will always hold on to him.

"You want some company?" Alina stands at my doorframe with a blanket covering her body. Her hair is in a messy bun and her face is full of mascara. She has been dealing with her own problems lately, and I try to make sure that I am there for her too. "Amelia, has anyone asked you how you have been doing lately?"

Alina gets beside me and wraps the blanket around me too. I feel her cold body and turn around so I can hug her. "I have to be strong for Carson. I don't want to talk about my mother with him because I am scared that it will hurt him more. I just don't know what to do anymore." She hugs me tightly, wrapping her tiny arms around me. "You should talk with him about all of that, Lia. You are in a relationship and that means communicating things even the bad things."

She lays her head on top of mine, my face in the crook of her neck. "You have to be there for him but you also need to make sure that you don't lose yourself along the way. It is necessary for you to ventilate to him too sometimes." She kisses the top of my head and I slowly close my eyes. It has been a long time since I felt like I could open my heart to someone. "I hope you know that I am always going to be here for you, Lia."

"Thank you so much, Lina."

***

Carson is busy staring at his laptop, finishing his assignments. I am cleaning the rest of his room, folding all his clothes that didn't smell. "You want to order some food or are we going to cook together?" He slowly turns his head around and stares at me. He is checking me out, I am wearing one of his hoodies that I found with some shorts that I already had on. I didn't look really good but Carson always makes me feel like I am the most beautiful girl in the world.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" He leans back in his chair and keeps staring at me. I try to hide my blush behind my few hairpieces that are out. "I want to thank you for being so patient with me. I know how hard it has been for me but you keep reminding me that I have things to fight for. I really want to thank you for that."

He opens a drawer beside him and I see a little nervous smile forming on his face. Carson isn't nervous at all, he is always so sure about himself. "I made this over the past few weeks, I have been waiting to find the right moment to give you this. I just want to tell you first that I am really happy that you gave me a chance to prove that I am worth loving." He hands me the book with as title 'the graphics of how I fell in love with you'.

The first picture is of me dancing on the ice rink in my bright pink dress. I am doing a simple twirl but the smile on my face reminds me of how much I love figure skating. Another picture is of us together in the restaurant where we talked for hours with each other about everything and nothing. It is the moment that I realized that I was in love with him.

"I have been taking polaroid pictures whenever I had the chance. It was quite hard to take pictures of you without you knowing." He pulls me over to him and I land myself in his lap. I lay my legs over his chair and lay my head at his chest, listening to his heartbeat faster for me. "You did all of this for me?" He wipes a tear away from me but it was a lost cause because the tears kept rolling down with every new picture I found of us together.

I get to the last page of the book and I feel Carson looking at me. "As you can see, there are some empty pages left. I want to fill those papers and many more books with memories together. I really hope you want that too." I wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull him closer to me. The kiss we are sharing is not tempting or sensual but intimate and full of love. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"That would make me the happiest man in the world."