Same Mistakes [Sequel to max and me]

5. Family

Niall.

I played with Mason, pushing him on the swing. He's two years and about seven months old. I can't even express my love for him. He's the happiest little boy you'll ever meet. He loves to sing One Direction songs for me. He's adorable when he dances around the house, and attempts to break-dance. He'll do anything to make me smile.

When I lost Addison and Violet, my world completely shattered. I lost my still-born daughter, and my beautiful girlfriend. I swear, I cried for two weeks straight.

My Mum and Dad took care of Mason while I was depressed. I'd hide in my bedroom, under my covers, and cry. I had a large pile of Violet's photos in my bed with me. I'd look at photos of Violet with her huge 8 months along pregnant stomach, which Max and Madison had painted like a rainbow.

I'd look at photos of Violet trying on wedding dresses. No, we weren't engaged or getting married. But Danielle, Perrie, Eleanor, Samantha and Violet went to a Bridal salon just to have fun and play dress-up for a day. Violet was about four months pregnant at that point.

I looked at photos of Violet and I at the pet store, buying a goldfish together. We named it Goldie. Mainstream, I know, but we both adored the name. Goldie died a week before Violet and Addison died. We have a mini-burial for Goldie in the backyard. With a little grave-stone and coffin.

I looked at photos of Violet and I on a roller coaster in California Adventure Land. I flew us there when she was three months pregnant. We wanted to get away from the UK for awhile, and I went crazy. I bought the plane tickets, and off we went. It was an amazing time. I'll never forget it.

I miss Violet so damn much. I honestly couldn't bring myself to look at Mason, or hold him, because he looked just like Addison. I know they were only minutes old, but I could definitely see the resemblance.

I got to hold Addison, though she was already dead when she was born. Violet never got to see her children. But I like to believe that in one little mili-second, she caught a glimpse of either Addison or Mason. I can't stand to believe that Violet never got to see her children. But now she's in heaven with baby Addison.

It was hard, raising Mason without Violet around. On Mason's two-week birthday, it was Addison and Violet's funeral. It was very tough for me to go there with Mason, and see Violet's body in the purple-satin lined casket. Mason was so tiny. He would barely keep his eyes open at that point.

But when I walked to the front to say, goodbye to Violet and Addison, Mason opened his shining blue eyes and looked down at his mother. He began to cry. Which caused me to cry along with him. Which caused me and Mason to have to take a moment outside for a breather, to calm ourselves down.

I've been raising Mason alone ever since. I only tried dating, once. But it obviously didn't work out. She didn't want kids, I didn't want a woman who didn't want kids. See the dilemma? I didn't even really like her anyway. I don't think Mason liked her, either. He'd always cry when she held him.

But I don't even know if I want to move on. I loved Violet so much, and I don't think I'll ever stop loving her. I wouldn't be able to handle a relationship with anyone else. Violet was the one for me.

"Daddy?" Mason questioned, as I pushed the swing. "What?" I asked, stopping the swing so we could chat. "What's on that girls' arms?" Mason asked, pointing across the playground to a young woman with sleeve tattoos. "Those are called tattoos, lad. All your uncles have tattoos." I explained.

"Uncow Harry, Zayn, Wiam and Wouis?" Mason asked, raising a questioning eyebrow. "That would be correct, buddy." I replied, pushing the swing again. "Oh. Cool." Said Mason, nodding. I smiled at him, before looking back up at the woman with sleeve tattoos covering her arms.

She was smiling at a little girl who was running across the play structure. "Careful!" Tattoo-girl warned, fear in her eyes that the little girl would slip. "Can I play over there, too?" Mason questioned, pointing to the playground. "Sure, lad." I replied, stopping the swing. I pulled him out, and put him on the gravel.

He ran over to the playground, climbing up a pile of tires. I smiled, walking after him. I kicked a pebble as I walked over. Where should I stand? Would it be awkward to stand next to the tattoo-girl? I ended up deciding to stop walking, right beside the tattooed girl. I don't know what I should call her... Why am I even thinking about her? I don't know. She has nice eyes... I crossed my arms, trying to look casual.

She peeked over at me, hand gripping a Starbucks coffee. Her nails were painted light orange and white. That's really nice. I should recommend that to Danielle. "Hello." She said, voice whimsical and unexpected. You'd never think this woman would sound like this. Her very precise Irish accent lingered in the air.

"Um, hi." I awkwardly replied. "What's your name?" She asked, taking a sip of her drink. "Niall." I replied, blinking a few times. "Holly." She replied, flashing a grin. I smiled back, not knowing what to say. "Who's the kid with you?" Holly asked, motioning to a very hyper-active Mason.

Mason was running around with Holly's young girl. I don't know if Holly is babysitting that girl, or if it's her daughter, or if Holly is married and that's her daughter, or what. Mason looked really happy to be playing with this girl.

"My son." I replied, lips curving into a grin at the mention of my boy. "He's adorable." Holly concluded after staring at Mason for about 6 seconds. "Thanks." I replied, sliding my hands into my pockets.

It was quiet for the next few seconds, while we watched our kids run around. Again, I don't know if that child is Holly's daughter, but it seems that Holly's in charge of her.

"What's your girls' name?" I asked, referring to the blonde little girl, bounding across the playground. "Addison." Holly replied, smiling at the mention of the child. My stomach did a back-flip. "What?" I asked in disbelief. "Addison." Holy repeated, furrowing her eyebrows.

My stomach lurched again. Images of Addison's still-born body flashed in my mind. The doctors dressed her in the little pink dress Violet and I had taken to the hospital for her. I had really wanted to see Addison wear it... Even if she wasn't living... "Are you okay?" Holly asked, looking concerned.

"I have to go." I said, avoiding her eye-contact and jogging over to the playground. "Daddy, look!" Mason exclaimed, as he struggled to go across the monkey bars. Addison was giggling as Mason tried to swing to the next bar.

I ducked under the playground, over to Mason. I reached over, plucking him from the monkey bars. "Daddy! I was playing!" Mason cried, kicking his feet around. "We have to head home, now. Maybe you can play with Max or Cameron later today." I tried to bargain with my flailing son.

"No! I want to play with Addison!" Mason cried. I turned around, and saw the young blonde girl standing at the other end of the shiny red money-bars. She had a look of pure abandonment on her face. Her eyes were glassy and full of tears, and her lip quivered as I carried Mason away.

"I'm sorry buddy," I apologized, feeling tears well up in my own eyes. "Please Daddy! She has no friends!" Mason exclaimed, kicking his feet, and whipping his arms around.

"Please Mason! It's time to go home!" I begged, feeling embarrassed that I couldn't keep him under control. If Violet was here she'd be able to calm him down. I'm a failure as a father. Why couldn't I have died instead of Violet? Violet deserved to live. She was an inspiration. She was crazy amazing.

I'm just... Me.

"Daddy!" Mason yelled, flailing his arm into the air, once again. His hand smacked me in the nose, causing blood to trickle down over my lips, and down my chin. "Mason!" I exclaimed, wiping the blood away with the back of my hand and putting him down on the grass. He was sniffling, and tears were running down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, lad. But we have to go home. We can come back to the playground, later." I told Mason. He shook his head no, another tear rolling down his little cheek. "I love you, lad, please stop crying." I begged, giving him a quick hug. When I released him, Mason looked into my eyes with the most sorrowful of expressions. "Why does Addison get a Mommy and I don't?"