We Aren't Safe Here(BwWm)

Chapter 37

Amora's pov

Spicy moment in the chapter

After the city limits, we walked, and we walked and we walked.
We passed through small mountains where even at this low height the on coming winter breeze would cause a chill.
My feet now covered in blisters
trenched through the dirt roads

My mind is pleasantly empty right now However, my mind has been switching from chaos to empty in the last hours.

for once I'm glad my brain blocked out my horrible thoughts leaving me nothing but tv static

My eyes are tired
My face feels permanently numb.

I feel Allister's gaze on me.

For the last 3 hours Allister has done nothing but follow me around like a lost puppy. He opens his mouth to make a comment and then closes it deciding to leave me to my thoughts.

I know he's just worried and I wish I could put him at ease- but I don't know what to do or think.
And just like that my brain switches to chaos, and the pain bleeds through along with my muddled thoughts.
Why am I doing this, why am I still here?
I look down at my long grown out nail polish.
I used to be soft and polished, and now my hands have callouses, my nail polish long scratched off, my hair covered in split ends.
My sister no longer present.
Now, I am no stranger to hardship- but this, this really takes the cake.
I sniffle.
I wrap my arms around my waist and look up at the pale sky
I breath in them out
I can't let myself think about Emi or else I might fall apart, and she wouldn't want me to feel like this.
And just like that the tv static is back.

My foot kicks an empty soda can and sends it hurdling down the road
I feel Allister eyes on my neck
He keeps seeing me at my weakest times.
And I'm not weak.
So you can imagine my frustration.
I'm sick of feeling hopeless, I'm sick of feeling on top of the world and then like a small fly lost in the wind
But I have to be strong, for Emi
Or at least I'll to...

"Stop looking at me like that." I look back and meet his eyes for the first time in a while
"Like what?" He plays coy
"Like I'm gonna crumble into a pile of dust"

"I don't know what else to do, I'm worried about you. you won't talk, you won't eat, you just stare at the ground in silence-talk to me." He catches up to me and we walk side by side.
"You okay?" He nudges my shoulder
"I don't know..."
He nods his head motioning for me to continue
"I feel like I've always had to keep her safe, like it was my job. " he grabs my hand and rubs my thumb soothingly
I look ahead and see Dante and Jenny further up ahead deep in conversation
"Since this whole thing went down, and even back then in Italy I made sure she didn't talk to strange men and that she didn't drink random drinks from strangers, and even before that in college I didn't let people talk down to her I made sure people didn't rob her silly, and now when the zombie thing went down I was on double time making sure she survived...and- And she blew me away with how strong she had become, you know? And then I guess I kinda let my guard down. I thought that she could take care of herself, and then- and then..." I cut off  before continuing
" and im thinking maybe if I like paid more attention or if I kept her glued to my side, I could have done something-"
"It's not your fault, you can't stop a bullet, you may be immune and not fazed by this invulnerable human thing but a bullet is a bullet simple-"
I cut him off
"I know that! I know it's not my fault but I still feel guilty, how many times have I cheated death 2!? 3 times?! And she couldn't even cheat it once. " I feel my eyes burn with tears but I rub them profusely holding the tears at bay.
"But there's nothing I can do now, what's done is done." I try to sound strong.
I will get to this cabin -God so help anyone who prevents us from getting there, Emi made me promise to get there and we will get there safely. I squeeze his hand tightly.

He stared down at me eyes filled with a mixture of warmth, sorrow and admiration.
We get interrupted by Dante,
" we should make camp before it gets dark" he waits for us all to catch up before veering off the trail to the left into the forest
We follow him through the scraggly woods. The gravely dirt crunches under our boots as we look for camp.
Jenny spots a small cave hidden in the center of a small Rocky Mountain.
Allister picks up a large stick from the floor and cautiously enters the entrance waving the stick around getting rid of all the spider webs and unwanted vermin.
We set our things on the dirt ground and take a look around
Paradise.
Freezing climate, no food, no bed.
I sigh before sitting down on my knees
"Does anyone know how to make a fire? I rub my temples
I'm running on fumes
"We learned in basic training." Allister motions between him and Dante
"Great you guys on fire and we are on food."
I say pointing between us all.
The boys leave to go find fire wood.
I stand up slowly and dig through my bag taking out a stale MRE meal " This is supposed to be "Mexican chicken...stew?" I turn the pack from back to front trying to read the rubbed off label I hand it to Jenny and pull out two water bottles from my bag. My eyes catch on my airplane snacks I was holding on to for Emi and I.
I contemplate taking them out, eating them. But it feels wrong I quickly shove them back in my bag and cover it with some clothes.
Jenny digs through her bag and takes out a sleeve of crackers and a can of lentil soup.
"Mmm yum." I sarcastically say and lay out our food.
The boys come back a little later and Allister gets started on the fire while Dante searches their bags for any food finding only 2 protein bars a canteen of water and a MRE pack of Italian bread sticks.
"We have about a day and a half of walking left, but once we get there we won't know what the food option is like, so we should ration out and eat as little as possible." Dante say gathering the food.
He leaves the Mexican stew and a protein bar out before putting the rest of the food in his bag for safe keeping.
I watch as Allisters rough hands place the sticks in order and then uses his calloused finger to create friction between the wood and eventually a fire erupts.
We use the metal canteen to boil water and pour it into the MRE. We then split the protein bar in four and wait our turns
Jenny goes first then Dante.
As I lay my back against the cold hard rock wall
I eat my small piece of the protein bar and close my eyes in exhaustion.
I feel a presence next to me
"Your turn." I hear mumbled words but my busy mind choses not to hear it.
"Amora, Eat." Allisters voice comes out more forceful and I open my eyes and turn to him
"You first." My narrow eyes open and close, I turn my head to see Dante and Jenny sitting at the front of the cave laughing and giggling about their conversation.
I turn back to Allister
"No. Now eat." He says unwavering and I know not to push
I turn to face him and cross my legs
"Here." I expect him to hand me the MRE but instead he motions for me to open my mouth so he can feed me
I shift uncomfortably
"I can do it than-"
"Open."
I open my mouth slowly and unsure of this situation
He places the food in my mouth and waits for me to chew.
I do and swallow.
"Good girl." He approves and I can feel electricity run through my body
He feeds me another spoonful and another until I've eaten all of my portion and some of his.
Once I refuse anymore he opens a water bottle and leans my head back places his hand on my jaw before pouring some of the water into my mouth.
I hold it for a second contemplating if this is really my life
Being hand fed by the most attractive men I have ever seen.
"Swallow." He thumb shifts and rubs the sensitive vein on my throat.
I swallow as if on instinct but a drop of water escapes my mouth and drips down the side of my lips
I reached for my throat when I feel Allister rough tongue lick the side of my neck chasing the drop. When he reaches it he continues to follow up until he reaches my lips which he then placed a soft kiss on the side of my mouth then nips and bites the corner of my lip
Shocks explode from my nipples down to my core.
I jump and let out a small Moan
I immediacy cover my mouth and lean back from him
My heart beating a thousand miles per hour.
My body going from to hot to cold with all these unwanted emotions erupting inside me.
His eyes go wide from the sound I just made.
He quickly stands and I'm eye level with his clearly large and angry member that seems to be trying to escape his pants
My outburst obviously affected him more than I thought.
He scratches his head and waves his arms around in an awkward attempt of a stretch before clearing his throat and with a sharp turn he loudly says "I'm gonna go take a walk."
He grabs a water bottle and in a hurry he walks past the entrance where Dante and Jenny both simultaneously let out a "huh" and "okay" oblivious to our little encounter.
"I'm gonna hit the sack." I say to them before quickly turning on my side next to the fire and placing my head on my bag as a pillow.
Overwhelming emotions seem to take a lot out of a girl.

Sorry I was gone so long, finals/school blah blah blah
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