Can't Take My Eyes Off You - Monika x Male Reader

Within - Chapter 10

Within everything lies darkness.

Darkness. Why was it so afraid of the light? Does it not realise the joy it brings? Then again, without darkness there is no light. One may not bathe within the beams of glory without stewing in the embrace of shadows. The hate each other, but rely on one another. They co-exist so chaotically, trying to take over the other yet always holding back because deep down they know they'd be nothing without the other. What a miserable existence that must be. Or perhaps it's comforting knowing someone relies on you so much that it becomes a necessity to their very being. Is that not slightly demoralising? Anything you've ever wanted, wanted to do or be, equally relies on the abilities of the absolute antithesis of yourself. What if that person couldn't do what you could? You'd be stuck, trapped, unable. Y/N couldn't imagine anything worse. Darkness was a being of familiarity to many, and Y/N was no exception. Internal darkness lingers in everybody, but it's truly fascinating to discover external darkness. A rude comment, maybe, an insult, or toxic trait, abuse or negligence. It has to come from somewhere. From within a person's being, their truest of nature's corroding at the mind and consuming the soul. You cannot escape yourself. Your truest self always lies within.

Many people dislike their truest self. To tell the truth, Y/N wasn't entirely sure who or what his truest self was. He was happy, coy, innocent as a child. Then angry, shameful, reluctant as a teenager. Now he was an adult at eighteen, he felt lost yet also found. Lost within himself, yet found amongst his crowd. The Literature Club was an ocean of its members; a galaxy within which intentions, meanings, desires, fears and passions of each of its pillars reside.

Sayori wanted everyone to be happy, but refused to let herself be. It was foolish of her to do so as in her conquest to please she had made one thing she truly feared; unmovable friendship and trust. She denied that the Club cared about her, but knew they would move heaven and earth to make sure she was happy and okay. That ate away at her, only making her more spiteful towards herself. Within that bubbly wrapping paper lays a tortured soul, bound to her own grievances and mistakes by ball and chain.

Yuri was less obvious. Shy, timid, fragile. She seemed to deny her strengths, playing herself down at any and every given opportunity. Was this to hide her truest self? The person she truly is within. Her true self was something to be ashamed of. Like a beast in a cage, some rampant creature clawing away at her psyche until the day she breaks. Never could she let the beast out. The world would turn its back on her, crumbling whatever foundation she was rooted in and casting her back into the cold vastness of darkness.

Natsuki was selfish, or so she claimed. She expertly erected these impenetrable walls. Any chance of getting through was zero to none. They were reinforced walls; heat resistant, spiky, sharp, cold to the touch, impossibly high. Difficulty stemmed from her brash attitude, often speaking before thinking and not apologising for anything. Then again, that's the point; the ruder she is, the less likely people would care about her and her struggles. Weakness is essential to being human, yet can be unimaginable frightening. It is destructive to reject it, hence why she herself is quite so destructive.

Monika. She was just Monika. Yeah right. Monika was a fragmented soul, pushed and pulled into this uncomfortable mould. Into this mould she was melted down and poured, becoming an item, a pretty little trinket for people to hand around. A button to press, in which the presser would be engulfed in happiness. A drug, for some, an escape for others. She could never escape herself, who she was made into. However much she sprinted for it, Monika could not regain her true self within this cold crust set around her.

Within all of these girls lies darkness. Desires, needs, wants, must haves and likes. The less they were met, the more the mask broke until only a shell remained. It had already happened to Monika, Yuri wasn't far behind. These stereotypes set up for them were quickly moulding them into merchandise. Toys, dolls to be picked up and played with. "This one's the clumsy and happy one, this one's the mature and shy one, this one's the bratty and passionate one, this one's happy and smart one!". It made Y/N sick to his core. Having spent the better part of a month and a half with these girls, he knew they were so much more than these labels, these shackles around their true selves. Their freedom was limited, the darkness had consumed and left what was commonly known to be Sayori, Yuri, Natsuki and Monika.