Neon Lights

38

Draven sat next to him on the couch. The silence between them was comfortable for once. Callisto had sunk into the seat further, the heat on his skin from Draven's fingers continued to linger on him. A soft breath escaped his lips as he pressed the back of his head on the arm of the couch, staring at a point in the wall right above his television.

The squared device itself was a retro thing, but Luna had brought it to his apartment one day with a grin on her face saying she managed to make it work in current times. While that thing was old and ugly, he didn't have the heart to throw it away when she left.

That had been three years ago.

"I hope Luna's okay," Callisto whispered, not really expecting an answer.

"She will be." Draven's voice was soft, making him shoulders stiffen for a bit before he forced his body to relax again. He didn't turn to look at the other man next to him, his cheeks heating up once more. "We'll find her."

Callisto opened his mouth before he closed it. After a moment, he said, "I hope we do. She's my only family I have left now."

"You mentioned that before," Draven said. "I got the gist your family isn't all nice?"

The topic about his parents weren't something he wanted to indulge in. Especially not with someone whom he considered to be his ex-lover. But... tonight, there were many rules he decided to break. His heart that had been guarded so strongly wavered the longer he was in front of Draven.

Just like it had always been.

"Nice is an understatement," Callisto said, huffing a breath. Past memories of his father and mother threatened to rush into his head. None of them made him feel any good. Anxiousness curled at the pit of his stomach, threatening to bleed into his veins if he let it. Instead, he shook his head and turned it to meet Draven's eyes, staring right at him. "They didn't exactly make me feel wanted."

Draven searched his face, his eyes darting all over his features until they settled back to look into his eyes. "Right..."

Callisto gave him a one-shoulder shrug. It wasn't the best moment to talk about his past and he didn't want to either. Instead, he said, "What's with the sudden interest?"

"Sudden?" Draven said, his lips quirking upwards to form a brief smile. "I've always been interested in you, Cal."

If his cheeks could grow any hotter, it would. Callisto turned to look away, this time, focusing his attention to the sliding doors just on his left, the curtains neatly parted to give away to a dreary view of other buildings. The only source of light coming from there was the streetlights, but even they did very little to truly illuminate things.

"Yeah, right." Callisto could only scoff.

There was a moment of pause before Draven shifted in his seat and then a hand touched his shoulder, jolting him in surprise. Callisto sat straighter, turning to look at the other man properly in the face. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for him to speak, acutely aware of how warm Draven's hand was on him.

"Why do you do that?" Draven said, eyebrows furrowing.

"Do what?"

"Every time I say anything to indicate I care about you, you don't believe me." The words were said in a hushed tone followed by a tightening grip of his hand on Callisto's shoulder. Brief irritation flashed through him at that question before it burned away without even making a mark in his mind. "I don't understand."

"Because you don't show that you care," Callisto said, sighing. It was a can of worms he didn't want to crack open tonight but Draven's furrowed eyebrows and frown looked less annoying right now. They didn't spark anger coursing through him... just defeat. "You don't know how to make me think you care, Draven."

The silence that washed over the scene at those words was tense. Draven sat straighter, shoulders squared. His gold-shaded eyes were tad darker now, as if hearing those words had struck him hard. Callisto looked away then, resisting the urge to play with his fingers.

"Is that why you left?" Draven said, voice still quiet.

Those words were the last thing he wanted to hear. Callisto closed his eyes shut for a second before he snapped them open and turned his attention to Draven. It was hard to find the words, especially on an incident he had no intention of discussing about. In the end, he could only look away again and mutter, "One of the reasons."

"I see."

"You're not going to ask why I would say that?" Callisto said, biting his bottom lip when Draven slumped his body into the cushions.

"Would that change anything?" Draven's question hit him straight through the chest.

"No."

"Then, I won't ask." After a beat, he added, "Because it's not like you'll believe me now."

Callisto shrugged once more. "It isn't anything to do with believing you or not. It's just... little things became big things. And..."

"You wanted to feel safe."

"Yeah," Callisto said, barely a whisper.

Draven didn't say another word after that and Callisto didn't either. There was nothing else to say about their past. There had been many things that tipped him off that their relationship couldn't last. Maybe it was one part of his own cowardliness but their worlds didn't fit well together.

He had craved to feel safe and Draven's surroundings did nothing to give him that.

"For what it's worth," Draven said, catching Callisto's attention. He had his face slumped at the top of the cushions but his eyes, dark and sharp, stared right into his own. "For whatever that was worth, back then, I loved you. Every part of you. Enough that if you only asked me to, I'd give up everything for you."

Callisto's eyes widened as the words settled in his brain. A certain, familiar squeeze of his chest made him breathless. These words weren't a lie — not when Draven was looking at him like this, not even a hint of a smile on his lips. The words felt foreign. Back when they had just gotten together, such words never left Draven's lips.

The boy back then didn't know how to even talk to him.

Did the years apart really changed the man he once knew of?

Callisto's eyes warmed but he wouldn't let Draven see his face like his. Ducking his head, he took in a deep breath, curling his fingers into fists. "It doesn't matter now," he said, voice soft. "It's not like we can change anything."

"If you could take it all back, would you?" Draven's question was like a loaded gun. They were heavy and Callisto knew what answer he was looking for.

But no matter how much he had... missed Draven and how much it had hurt back then to leave him, how much he had to convince himself that it had been the right decision, he wasn't that brave to stay. He hadn't been brave back then — he still wasn't now.

He glanced up to briefly look at Draven in the face and said, "No. I wouldn't change a thing."

Because Draven and him never meshed well. It didn't matter what he felt — what they had felt for each other.

Callisto quickly looked away at the brief flash of hurt in those gold-brown eyes.

This was for the best.

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A/N: Apologies for the late update! I hadn't been feeling well yesterday and still am a bit meh today. But no worries, here's an update anyway! It's a bit of a slow pace right now here, but at least they're talking for once. Thank you once again for all the love for the story and see you all in the next update this coming Saturday!