The Gift of Gulit

Chapter two

Danny says I need to get out more, hang out with my friends and stuff. If only I had any. I finally agree though after he bribes me with $70. One cannot just say no to an offer like that. Maybe next time you should be careful with the deals you make. The annoying voice adds. The source of my thoughts. I brush it away and try to focus on my plate of food. But somehow I can't concentrate, my thoughts rambling on and going on tangents as I force myself to eat something. After I finish my breakfast, toast and cheese, I proceed upstairs and into my bathroom. As soon as I walk in I see the new mirror Danny installed on top of the blue walls. I don't know why he even bothered to do that, I'll probably just end up braking it again...eventually. I strip off my clothes and chuck them into the laundry basket and step into the hot shower. Beads of water brushing my skin when I enter and I begin to scrub myself. You can drown yourself in here Ava, run away from this life for good. I ponder over what my mind suggested. I could do it. I could do it and never have to come back to this horrible life again. My thoughts would be gone and my life over. So what's stopping me? The answer to that is nobody but somehow I make it out of the shower alive to my disappointment. I step out of my shower and dry myself, wrapping the towel around my body. I walk over to my closet and pick out a navy blue hoodie, black jeans and combat boots. I then pull my hair into a ponytail. I head back into the bathroom and stare at my reflection, pale lips, green eyes, and dark hair. I should break it again get a piece of the glass and stab it into my chest, I think. I close my eyes and sigh deeply as I exit the bathroom grabbing my belongings which include: my small black purse , cell phone, sketchbook, pencils and wallet. I go downstairs to find my brother making a sand-which.

"So what are you planning to do today? " Danny asks while munching on his fruit loops which are in his right hand the spoon in the left.

I bite my lip, I was never one to tell lies but then again I rarely spoke to people only Danny and my teachers if they called on me to answer a question.
"Um, I'm just going to catch a movie with some friends and go out to eat." I reply with a shaky nervous breath, I just lied to my brother. He grins at me, seeming satisfied with my answer as he nods his head in agreement.

"Okay then, have fun Ava. Be back by 11 pm though." He winks and shoves more cereal in his mouth. I nod and turn to leave out the front door. Placing my hand on the door knob of the mahogany colored door and twisting it to the left.

I'm finally outside, and the air feels a little warm but not too hot. In California there's a lot to do I guess. I'll just have to walk around to pass the time. I walk in the street among stores and such, looking down at the ground, my thoughts are threatening to come back. I should've been the one who died. Why couldn't it have been me, I have no purpose in this fucking place called "home". Suddenly I find myself colliding with the floor, someone bumped into me.

"Ow!" I say, rubbing my head with my hand. Pain rushing through my skull.

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!" A male voice says. I look up to see a concerned tall guy, tanned skin, blue eyes, and brown hair. He's holding his hand out. I hesitate for a second but take it anyways. He helps me up and now he is towering over my frame by a few inches. He then bends down to get my sketchbook and pencil and hands them to me.

"I'm really sorry about that." He says biting his lip and scratching the back of his head.

"It's fine really." I say holding my sketchbook tightly against my chest. We both look away awkwardly standing in the middle of the side walk. Fortunately it this isn't New York so we don't have to worry about people stomping over us. Quite frankly, I wish someone would topple me, so I could die. Funny how you wish you could die in the world, when you offer up your life and the world says no. Then when you actually find a reason, everything is stripped from you and you are left bare, nothing remaining. The boy then breaks the silence between us and my suicidal thoughts.