The Gift of Gulit

Chapter eleven

Ava's POV

I wake up to the sun rays hitting my eyes, I squint and bring the blanket up to my face and try to sleep more. I breathe deeply and smell Evan. I'm in his bed, I remember. I also remember my nightmare but I won't dare to think about it anymore. My body is slowly drifting to sleep again until I hear the door open. I open my eyes and then close them again. It's probably Evan, coming out from the shower or something. I hear some shuffling around the room and try to go back to sleep. I can feel sleep taking over me as I lie still. Sometime later I feel someone shaking me. I moan not wanting to get out of the bed, and wanting to sleep the rest of the day. Besides, I should catch up after all those sleepless nights.

"Ava? Hey, it's almost 1:30 pm, come on babe, time to get up." Evan says. I open one eye and then close it once more, not wanting to move.

"Ava, come on you need to get up and eat so we can do something later." He says sweetly.

"Can we just sleep that's fun." I mumble trying to go back to sleep.

"Says the girl who never used to like to sleep." He says, I open my eyes to see him smirking. I playfully punch him in his arm and he acts as if he was really hurt.

"You wounded me!" Evan says pretending to be shocked. I laugh and pull myself out from under the warm sheets that smell like Evan. I stretch my body and then look at Evan who has been staring at me for like the past 2 minutes.

"What?" I ask confused.

"Nothing, you're just really pretty when you wake up." He winks. I roll my eyes. Evan is so cheeky sometimes. I walk out of his room to take a shower, until I realize I have no clothes...shit. I make a U-turn and walk back into Evan's room, he's now lying on his bed, shirtless and scrolling on his iPhone. I take in the scene, Evan's body is so muscular and tanned beautifully if I must say so myself. Wait...what did I come in here for? Clothes, right.

"Evan?" I say breathlessly. He turns around towards me with an innocent look on his face and peers up at me.

"Yeah, Ava?" He asks me.

"I don't exactly have clothes..." I say embarrassed at the thought, red blush creeping onto my cheeks.

"Oh. Right. Um... You can borrow some of my mom's stuff she doesn't use anymore." He offers smiling, as he gets up to retrieve the clothes. Seconds later he comes back with short jeans and a black t shirt that says 'Pierce The Veil' on it. I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"Your mom likes Pierce the Veil?" I ask him shocked.

"Yeah, she is in love with Vic Fuentes. oh gosh she literally has a shrine of him." He says laughing and shaking his head at the thought.

"Your mother seems pretty cool. I'll have to meet her sometime." I smile at him peering into bright blue eyes. He smiles back and hands me the clothes. I head back into the bathroom so I can shower and get changed into clean clothing. I turn on the faucet and wait for the water to gain heat. To pass the time I lock the door and strip clothing off of my body leaving me exposed and cold, goosebumps forming on my arms and legs. I look over to the shower and it's steaming up, it's ready. I insert one foot first then the next and close the shower curtain. Water begins to splatter the surface of my skin, warming me up and de-stressing me. As I grab the soap and open it from the new package I begin to rub it on me and soon enough my mind travels somewhere else as I stare off into space thinking about everything and every mistake I've made in my life.

No Ava stop. You have to stop torturing yourself and stop running from things, you need to face it head on. My sub-conscience is right for once I need to stop running from my problems, I need to stop trying to keep them inside of me. I need to talk to someone. Why haven't I realized this sooner? Sure I've been taking the stupid group sessions but I want to talk by myself with only one person. A person who I trust you know? For the first time in a long time, I feel in control of myself my mind no longer torturing me with motives for suicide, I smile at the thought of me being normal. I just want one taste of normality, I want a father and a mother, I want my family back. Sadly I can't accomplish that but I can start a new lifestyle. Yes, that is exactly what I'm going to do, and nothing or anyone can get in my fucking way.