No Exceptions

Seventeen

I woke up the next morning entangled with Negan. He'd arrived back to the room about an hour after Daryl was escorted out. He'd noticed I was crying and wiped my tears away, and held me; knowing he'd been hard on me. I had a restless sleep, tossing and turning in the confines of his grasp. It was just before dawn when I gave up and headed for the garden, needing the fresh air. As I sat on the bench the tears started again. I let out little whimpers, under the impression that I was alone.

"It's ok"
I heard from the garden's entryway. It was Sherry, out for a cigarette break, taking a big drag as the light illuminated her face.
"I thought the garden was empty" I said it to her as much as to myself.
"I always come down at this time, nobodies here; you can almost forget that you're here at all" she said, melancholy present in her voice. She closed the gap and offered me a cigarette and I politely declined.
"I'm completely lost Sherry! How do you do it? How can you act happy when Dwight is near you all the time? How do you live with yourself?" I asked her honestly. Out of context it may have sounded malicious but she understood, and gave me a sympathetic look.
"You just remind yourself that what you're doing is keeping them alive." She took another big drag on her cigarette finishing it off and lighting the next one.
"I had to prove to Negan that I was over Daryl last night. I did terrible, heinous, hurtful things to him and I told myself it was to keep him safe. But I don't know if my intentions justify my actions. It just hasn't sat well with me." I confessed, needing someone to confide in, regardless of the cost. She nodded and held my hand
"Sometimes in this world we have to do unspeakable things for the people we love. Even if that isn't how they see it." I nodded in agreement. I had a feeling that I was going to become very fond of Sherry, we had a connection; like we were going on a parallel journey. She looked at me empathetically
"For his sake, you've got to forget about him Rackel. Just think about all the good you can do here, what you've already done. Just let yourself be a vessel for good." And with that she finished her second cigarette and promptly left me,leaving me alone with my thoughts.

It was dawn by the time people started emerging from their rooms and I spotted a familiar face bounding towards me. It was Skye and I just realised how odd it was that I hadn't seen her.
"Hi Rackel!" She greeted me and sat right next to me, always at ease. I replied
"Hey there! I haven't seen you in days, where have you been girl?" She kicked her legs up and down in a playful manner.
"I just needed time to myself you know? Negan gave me time off to relax and unwind" I found it strange how soft he was on her, but before I could take that thought any further she grabbed my arm as she bounced towards the building.
"He's prepared a surprise for you! Here, put this over your eyes!" She threw a thick hair band at me and I blindfolded myself, putting my complete trust in her. As she carefully led me through Sanctuary I used my mental map of the place and figured out she was leading me back to the Harem. I rolled my eyes to myself, thinking about the uselessness of the blindfold, but couldn't ruin it for Skye.

As we arrived at Negan's room I was barraged with an array of smells. One smell almost brought tears to my eyes and I wondered if I was just imagining it.
"Have fun you guys!" I heard Skye chirp as the door closed. I could feel him behind me, he pulled off the headband and revealed one of the most nostalgic sights, my heart welling up. There was my mother's small vase that I'd lugged around from place to place, now sitting in the middle of the table with a couple of white roses in it. I'd planted white roses in front of my house in Alexandria because they'd been my mother's favourite flower, and she'd had a bush of them at the front of her house. There was two small stacks of pancakes and a bowl of my favourite fruit: honeydew. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face, how'd he know?

Negan tucked my hair behind my ear, searching my face for approval.
"How'd I do?" I looked at him and couldn't help my lips turning up into a smile despite everything. I sat at the table and pulled one of the roses out of my mother's vase and sniffed it, nostalgia hitting me afresh.

Negan sat in the chair opposite me and smiled like  the cat that just ate the canary. He tucked the cloth napkin into his clean white shirt and grabbed his fork.
"I've never been crazy for honeydew, but you've got good taste when it comes to pancakes." I smiled and sniffed the pancakes and ripped off a piece; I could tell from the texture that they were buttermilk, my all time favourite.
"How'd you know?" I looked at him stunned. He smiled at me mischievously
"Olivia" I felt sad at the mention of her name. He picked up on it and quickly moved the conversation along.
"I really want you to like it here Rackel. I just don't like sharing you." An edge of guilt turned up in his eyes, but it vanished as quick as it appeared.

As if on cue fat Joey ran through the door, puffing with exertion.
"I'm so sorry Negan! I know you said you didn't want any interruptions, but it's Daryl..." Negan groaned.
"Fucking Daryl! What's that stupid redneck done now?" I kept my head down and nibbled at a piece of honeydew, not wanting to draw attention.
"Code orange" Joey said. I couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief, he'd escaped. I knew it would be only a matter of days before he was back at Alexandria.
"Fuck" Negan simply cursed. He was about to stand but I grabbed his hand, urging him to stay seated.
"Enjoy this breakfast with me" I whispered leaning into him
"Leave him be. Didn't you say you didn't want to share?" He stared at me, then eventually nodded.
"Mark him as dead" Negan ordered Joey, his eyes almost popping out.
"Excuse me sir?" Negan didn't like being questioned and his patience grew thin
"Did the fat gravitate towards your ears and make you deaf? Mark him as dead" Joey knew better than to argue further and violently nodded his head.
"Yes sir" he stood in the doorway, he wasn't done yet but must've been feeling meek. I helped him out, not wanting Negan to lose it with him again.
"Was there something else you needed?" I kindly spoke.
"I just... I dunno what to tell Dwight! He called it in" Negan slammed his gloved hand down on the table, rage radiating off him.
"I'm sorry fat Joey! I didn't realise that Dwight was running the show"
"NO No no sir, I didn't mean that, I'm so sorry!" I waved him off and he took his leave, before anything else could flare up.

He paused then cracked his knuckles and glared at me.
"They're going to think I'm fucking soft. Don't ever undermine my authority like that again!" He pointed his index finger at me in warning. I attempted to defend myself
"I hadn't done it on purpose, I was just trying to keep the peace." I bowed my head in apology.
"We're like good cop, bad cop" he chuckled to himself, as I fluttered my eyelashes at him and took another bite out of my pancakes.

We had the rest of our breakfast mostly in silence, until he brought up Judith.
"There's something you're not telling me about Rick's little girl!" He gauged my reaction.
"Rick's her daddy" I answered honestly
"Who's the mother?" He pushed
"Lori, Rick's old wife. She died during childbirth." I hadn't really liked Lori, but I couldn't wish her fate on anyone.
"Is she your sister?" I shook my head, I was relieved that he was jumping to the wrong conclusion. He leant in and wiped a pancake crumb off the corner of my lip with his thumb, then sucked it off, making me blush. He continued his investigation
"It's funny... because if I didn't know for a fact that you're a virgin, I would swear that she was yours. You've got the same hair, same eyes, same skin. There's something you're not telling me." I shrugged and tried to act non-chalant.
"I'll get it out of you" he gave up for a while and we finished our breakfast.

He stood for his seat and grabbed my hand "Come with me, I've got another surprise for you." I felt surprisingly excited, seeing how spot on the previous surprise was. I felt guilt for enjoying myself while Daryl was out there, but it slowly ebbed away, knowing he'd be with Rick any day now.
He lead me down the corridor next to the Harem and we walked to the very end of the hall. He opened the door and I was in shock. At the end of the room there was my bed from Alexandria, with a new quilt
cover on it, with red, black and white, immediately reminding me of him.
"Do you like it?" He asked
"I do! Thank you, it's very thoughtful!" I sat on the bed, loving how firm it was. Negan strode towards me and I shot up, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. He gently pressed himself against me and swept my hair to the side.
"Don't worry baby, I won't fuck you until you're begging for it." He tugged the hair at my nape and roughly sucked the base of my neck. My knees buckled involuntary as he caught me and pulled me up again.
"And trust me baby, you'll be begging for it soon" he pressed his erection against me, kissed my collar bone and I couldn't help but laugh at his confidence. He then followed it up with a very uncharacteristic kiss, slow and tender.
"I gotta go, boss duties. Stay out of trouble!" He pressed his index finger on my nose, then briskly left the room, making me feel wind swept.