Letters To Myself (#Nanowrimo2017 Winning Novel!)

15,

Dear Myself,

Still no sign of the little baby making its way out into the big, wide world. Mum is well and truly nervous about it and time is ticking away. She is now over a week late, nearly two and no-one really knows why. Damien keeps asking all of the awkward questions that both parents can't answer such as has the baby not lived? Well brother, at the scans that Mum had on her womb, the heartbeat was healthy and strong. But it does make you think, life is truly a precious thing and in a second, a single heartbeat, everything can change. That freedom and adventure that is called living ripped away from you and torn up into shreds.

I didn't mention this before Diary but in the second week of my Spring Break, our neighbourhood had their annual fair to celebrate Easter and just achievements in the community in general. It's a busy time with almost everyone including the kids from the local nursery getting involved in setting up stalls and painting decorations to display around the walls and doors of the hall. As a child, I saw the fair as a place full of laughter and fun but now as a seventeen year old, I see it more as a business and spreading the word around about products that you are trying to sell. During the early months of the pregnancy, Mum took up knitting and started a baby blanket (not for her baby, someone else's baby) but she hasn't touched it for over a month. Her arm muscles ache too much. Shame really since people these days are looking for some cute knitted scarves or hats.

I was thinking about volunteering with the book stall if there was going to be one at the fair but after checking the Facebook event page for any information, it showed that not a single person had registered an interest to host a book stall. My heart sank at this news, almost wishing that someone would enter at the last minute carrying a pile of books and plonking them down on some random table for everyone to see. Mum felt too unwell to attend so I took Damien along to the hall since he had been nominated for a local athlete award by one of our family friends who up until the day of the fair, I hadn't seen for a long time.

The warm sun shone down as both of us entered the hall and first wandered around quickly to see who was chatting away and selling things. I recognised some kids from school and from around the neighbourhood but most were a lot older with unfamiliar faces. In one corner, someone was sat down painting on children's faces and another corner hosted a raffle which had a crowd of people standing around cheering if their ticket ended in a number 0 or 5 which meant they had won a prize and sighing if they walked away empty-handed. I do remember a few years back when I was around fifteen that I entered a raffle and ended up winning a can of alcoholic beer which obviously me still being a child couldn't accept as a prize. My Dad had to collect it on my behalf but in the end he took one sip and spat it back out down the kitchen sink.

Damien entered the raffle this time but I decided not to try my luck again and end up being embarrassed in front of everyone attending so instead, I sampled some soaps at a beauty stall. The fact that it was all made from natural ingredients and sold locally really appealed to me. Business in general does appeal to me, growing up watching The Apprentice and Dragon's Den for example gave me a ton of ideas for setting up a business and some dos and don'ts to remember for future reference. Sadly, I don't see myself sat down at an office desk nine to five, typing away on a computer and drinking bucket loads of drinks filled with high levels of sugar and caffeine. After a few short moments, he walked back towards me with nothing in his hand and shaking his head to say that he hadn't won a single item.

A loud tap on the side of a microphone bought everyone to attention and I sort of died a little inside with the unexpected shock since the noise took me by surprise. One of the local councillors stood on the stage of the hall and thanked the people for coming out to support and one by one, the list of winners for the various awards were announced. Damien stood by silently and watched to see if his name was called out but instead, the athletes award went to a young boy from one of the Primary Schools in the area for being one of the top 10 100m runners in the county which for his age of just seven is pretty impressive. Just after the boy left the stage, my phone vibrated in my jacket pocket which I hastily took out to see what the notification or text message was. It was from Dad asking both of us to make our way home. Now at this point, I thought it was the baby arriving so I yanked Damien away from a group of boys he knows from his year group and out towards the main road back to our house.

On arrival, I raced upstairs only to meet a snoring Mum and Dad putting his finger to his lips to indicate that we should all be quiet and careful. The big bump was clearly visible underneath all of the bedding but no wailing noises or sight of nappies on the bed. The only thing that I noticed was that Mum was wearing a necklace which had a rose charm on display, her favourite flower. This must be to make her feel calm in the final weeks was my conclusion.

Regarding my novel Diary, I am now ⅔ of the way through to meeting my word count target! The storyline itself however has taken more drastic turns such as a midnight BBQ under the stars and Haley having her first kiss with a guy who is sort of a drunkard but somehow seems to be captivated by his attraction and spell of love. I'm loving it so far and hopefully future me and readers will enjoy the journeys of the girls together through thick and thin.

One final thing, a fundraising group I was part of last year got mentioned at the fair and praised for the work we had all done in the community. A group of eight sixth formers (including me) went out and created outdoor safe spaces for local kids to play in but also keeping the whole event educational learning about different insects and how to stay safe/what to do in an emergency. That felt great to be recognised.

Time to wrap up this letter, sleep well.

Yours,

Morwenna.