Letters To Myself (#Nanowrimo2017 Winning Novel!)

46,

Dear Myself,

I wish for once that I can write and stay cheerful, upbeat and positive but really, I'm far from those things. Michelle hasn't been going to her placement now for exactly a week all because of some comments a stupid student made to her which set off her anxiety in case she bumps into any of the friendship circles this student has. No amount of cuddles or hot chocolate drinks with fluffy marshmallows can make her feel better, her energy completely vanished in a trace. Diary, I feel absolutely awful having to leave the one I love behind as I continue to go out to placement and classes. But the second they finish, I'm running straight out of the day and making a dash for the bus to get home quickly. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was walking home from sixth form and not having to use public transport, the spare cash saved from dog walking I used for books. Not anymore.

None of us can really force Michelle to go into classes if she doesn't want to, she's nineteen and a full adult so doesn't have to stay in education but after the things she's been through with other courses going wrong and not really finding that one who understands her for who she is, the past has finally taken a drastic toll on her wellbeing. I did try to bring home some worksheets from class for her to do but she refused to look at them, not wanting anything to do with College whatsoever. Tammy even offered to come to the house to see her but I declined saying that she had had enough of everything.

You know the saying in life that you shouldn't let the little things get to you. I guess both of us do let small words linger in our mindsets. Sometimes on my blog's new comments section, there are a ton of spam like messages from users saying that I should go and buy some cheap and crappy looking pairs of sunglasses. One message that I did show to Michelle was from someone who said that being a writer was childish. I don't call writing that whatsoever. I just love to write and using letters like this one reminds me of how far I've travelled in such a short amount of time. The first few months of the year involved the drama of leaving family and not wanting to write anything. Now, I'm constantly working away on new projects and having a purpose for once in life. Children can be stressful but so rewarding to help them learn and grow into inspiring human beings. But now, writing is where I see myself, the online postings I think have really opened up doors for me.

I do have a crazy project in mind but maybe crazy isn't quite the right word to describe it as. I really want to host my own reading challenge, you know, come up with all sorts of interesting prompts and see how others interpret this by picking a book that matches a particular prompt. After seeing so many other bloggers and youtubers doing this, I really am interested to jump into the action and have a blast, meeting new people and having live discussions. I did dream about that the other day, having a live video on YouTube and thousands of people watching me laugh and chat about some random book that I had been reading. In truth, my reading has been somewhat disjointed because of life struggles away from the comfort of pages. As I continue to write, i think more and more about the what ifs. What if my writing could be the key to unlocking more opportunities for me and my girl? What if we could travel the world together? I love that little moment from the movie The Prince and Me where the girl points to a massive map of the world on her bedroom wall, covered in pins of places that she wanted to go to some day. I know that scene was fictional but maybe it could happen in real-life?

I know that Michelle is interested in travelling out to Australia one day. In truth, Brisbane seems to the be the place that I spot her looking at on her phone most of the time. The climate tropical, the events and activities on offer are varied but it isn't cheap. Getting paid for writing would be what would seal the deal for both of us flying out. Nope, her parents aren't allowed, this is a girls only trip. What stops me from entering all of the well-known writing competitions is the lack of confidence. I personally don't know many people off of the internet that love to write stories and using this creative process as a form of communication and imagination. So, if I was to enter, who would be interested in reading my entry? I can't really ask anyone at College since most of the students on the campus seemed to be more interested in feeding the pigeons and smoking cigarettes. Oh well, one day will be the day that I finally upload something and enter an online form in to confirm my entry. The prize money would enable us to finally break away from the home city we've practically known all our lives and out into the open.

You never know who is lurking around but I do have a good feeling about Brisbane. It seems to have just about everything you could ever ask for. Including bookstores! The thrill of both of us exploring new surroundings together and laughing if we accidently took a wrong turning seems to play out like a thrilling adventure within itself. Diary, it is nice to have dreams but even nicer if they ended up a reality. Going to sign off and have a quick peek into Michelle's bedroom to see if she wants to talk or cuddle. Me worrying about her honestly is a sign of love but I feel that too much pestering could break our strong bond apart.

Until next time.

Yours,

Morwenna