Letters To Myself (#Nanowrimo2017 Winning Novel!)

41,

Dear Myself,

With Nanowrimo in full swing and rowdy kids to take care of, my feet feel super sore and my mind is whirling from balancing out ideas for my novel as well as making sure all of the equipment from the activities at the nursery are put away safe and sound. The new kids I mentioned last week arrived on time and are eager to learn more about colours and shapes which is a good thing to work with. Myself and the rest of the team are planning trips and events for next year with all of them and little childish me is super excited to join in. Just don't expect me to do anything with water or heights, I suck at them both OK?

I do have a title for my Nanowrimo novel called There Was A Knock, crappy I know but that's how the prologue I wrote last week starts with. I'm currently around the twelve thousand word mark so a little bit ahead of schedule but I guess waking up at four in the morning to write is totally worth it. This time round, I'm going to post the novel chapters online in groups of three for others to read and leave feedback on (unless they're too busy writing their own projects) and hearing thoughts as always will help me because Nanowrimo is still so new to my life and I just don't want to get it wrong.

Today after waking up early to write, the entire household went out for the day. First time in a while but after deciding over which places to visit, we settled on a nice farm shop out in the countryside that I've been to before and really enjoyed. The food is great, people who work there are friendly and lots of little kids, lots of them. Both me and Michelle sneaked into the big barn playhouse that have got for the under fives and it looked so enjoyable and safe. Laughter echoed off the walls and families were sat down having a snack and talking mainly about Paddington 2 since it's still huge at the moment.

I had the classic meal of ham, egg and chips. My old favourite that I have nearly everywhere I go whenever we have a meal out. Michelle ordered a jacket potato but to my worry, she didn't touch most of her food, claiming that it felt overcooked and not a nice feeling on her teeth or tongue. From underneath the table, I reached under and squeezed her hand to let her know I was there if she needed my help. I personally would have finished off her food if I liked jacket potato but since I don't, a half-full plate returned back to the kitchen. Her parents had roast dinners which were on special offer with massive platefuls of food. I would collapse under the amount of it if I was them!

Looking around and stocking up on supplies for later on in the winter, we took another quick drive around the corner to a second-hand book shop which again, I've been to before and know it well. The shelves were overflowing with interesting looking books and having only a short amount to make a choice, I felt conflicted. Surely because I'm writing a novel, I can read a little bit too? But I'm clearly struggling at the moment to balance both out so buying books wouldn't be the best decision to make right? I did buy a couple but only after Michelle's Mum persuaded me to take them physically off of their resting place and put them in the basket. My girl picked up one book, cringed after reading the first page and dumped it back down with her tongue sticking out. She hadn't realised the book she had pulled up was a erotic romance which she detests.

I had to giggle at the sight though, imagine her reaction if I ever wrote something adult one day? Gosh no, she wouldn't touch it with a barge pole. Popular genre though for self-publishing as I've discovered through my midnight adventures online such as browsing on Amazon, some I've seen around are short, fast-paced and have a shirtless guy on the cover. Yikes. Hopefully if I do get published, my book cover designs won't end up looking like those ones I saw. My reactions would be filled with dread and terror. Personally, my covers would need to be like the storylines of what I'm writing about otherwise it just wouldn't look realistic enough. Also, seeing the one star reviews just because the cover looked ugly makes me laugh and also anxious. Please judge me on the writing and not pictures people!

I was super worried about Michelle so once getting home, I joined her in private upstairs and during cuddles, asked her what was wrong. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she started to cry and wouldn't stop. Torn, broken, confused and hurt, a little secret she'd been hiding away under everyone's noses. She felt depressed and said she wasn't good enough for me or College. Rubbish, nonsense, useless, the words kept coming out describing herself in a negative way. She needs to see my therapist and quickly. I pulled out one of the poems I had written out of my secret folder and read it to her.

Her

She was perfect

Pretty too

Everyday I tell her so

Means a lot

To the world

Each step she takes

My heart just swells

Hurdles in life

Stand in our way

But take my hand

Push them away

Together forever

You and me

She started crying some more but this time, showcasing her beautiful smile. The Michelle that I do know and love and it's for sure that fate brought us both together. Super lucky to have her by my side and everyday, I need to remind her of that. I cuddled her until the day turned to darkness and returned to my novel and writing this letter in you Diary. I guess the love poetry for her isn't going to stop anytime soon.

Goodbye, my loves.

Yours,

Morwenna.