Letters To Myself (#Nanowrimo2017 Winning Novel!)

36,

Dear Myself,

Tammy is such a cool lecturer! To celebrate all of us getting work placements at our first choice nurseries (will tell you more about that happy news soon), she said that as a treat, we could all go to the local Odeon Cinema as a group and watch a new release film of our choice! We never had that opportunity in sixth form and since I hadn't been to the cinema for many months, I jumped on this exciting trip with pride. The trickiest part however was all trying to decide which film we all wanted to see. Some of the group had been to watch Justice League and left with some strong opinions about how boring they found it. Others had gone for Pitch Perfect 3 and the whole acapella thing which I felt wasn't something I would enjoy much. The voting did go to a show of hands after a shortlist was made. The winner? Paddington 2!

Yesterday, instead of a worksheet exercise and discussion, we all ventured off to the cinema which is down the road from the campus. I had some extra cash for snacks and drinks to keep myself satisfied and awake during proceedings. Michelle stole a chunk of popcorn from my bucket that resulted in me showing off the evil stare I try to hide away particularly in public setting off a chain of giggles from her, clearly not sorry regarding the stealing. On finding our seats, I went online and tweeted about the experience to my followers and answered an email from some blogger who had asked a question about one of my posts. I have kept up my schedule so far and kept everyone informed with my writing! With so many story ideas constantly racing around my brain, any free moments I have are spent getting those plotlines down onto paper and storing away for a later stage. Back to the comment, they were curious about how I select which books to purchase. I do look at the cover designs and blurbs first but mainly, it's because the storyline speaks to me. First impressions are super important and it takes a few seconds to grab onto a reader's attention and then lose it again a short time later.

As the adverts finished and the opening scene began, the actual room had dimmed the lights. No-one could see our hands bound together in harmony and pushing aside any of our troubles, that was perfect. She is perfect, no lie. One Christmas, I do remember watching the first Paddington film with Damien and feeling somewhat bored with the plot but loving the animation of the famous bear himself. Having read one of the books in the series, it's a childish ambition to get hold of the collection and read them all cover to cover. The seats were only half full for the entire film since it was still a weekday with the majority of people at work.

It only felt like a few seconds but once Michelle nudged me sharply in the arm, I realised that the credits were rolling out and the cinema goers chatted loudly about their opinions on Paddington 2. My thoughts Diary? It was a fun, family movie but even watching it with my friends, I felt like some of the spark of enjoyment had vanished. I love my friends at the City College but I have to remind myself that they are not my brothers and sisters. Slowly, I felt my nerves start to increase just by the thoughts of not physically seeing my family for months, I bet at first they did try to get in contact with me but after I changed my number, stopped. You know when you get the feeling of hairs standing up behind you on your back when something daunting is about to happen? At first, I was taken by surprise, now, the dreaded fear.

Once I heard my name being called, that's when it sunk in. Sitting just a few rows behind our row was none other than my brother Damien. Still the same old height and attitude that I remember, nowhere to turn to or hide, he started to move towards me as sweat began to build on my palms. Michelle could see the change in me but it was a total relief that Tammy or the other students weren't seeing me in such a state like this. He blinks at me for a minute before extending his arms out. He wanted me to hug him.

Could I really do this? It had been so long since the time when he was getting bullied and felt like no-one cared about him or his feelings but now here he was, trying to be friendly. My first concern was how did he get out of school like an hour early? Accepting the hug, Michelle calmly stepped away just to leave the two of us in private. Baby brother, big sister time. Quickly leaving the seats behind, we hurried away out of the busy crowds so we could speak and hear each other properly without the distraction of rowdy shoppers. Letting him speak first, Mum and Dad were still rowing at times, often in the early hours of the morning which woke up Jasmine. No longer the tiny newborn baby, rather a giggly happy toddler not understanding the change in scenery. But what shocked me the most was that Damien is being home-schooled!

He said that after one too many incidents during a stressful week just before the summer holidays, Mum had decided to pull him out of school and hire a private tutor instead. Away from the few friends he had, no wonder his social life has fallen down the drain. And explaining why he was at the cinema and not sat down behind a desk. Asking about me, I showed my College ID off (ugly photo included) and explained my hopefully settled career plans for working with young children. I did smile when he said that I was loving and patient with kids, that's the reason and observation why I'm with Michelle together on this course. Offering to escort me back home for a while, I politely declined the opportunity, no isn't the right time for me to fly back to my roots. Not now, maybe not ever.

All I want to say is this, I do love my brother but it's clear to see he has forged a path for himself. It's a shame that he has to put up with the tensions and anger of the parents but ultimately when he reaches my age, he can move out and find other digs either alone or with the girl he loves. I have the girl I love and nothing will ever change that.

Yours,

Morwenna.