Enforced (Book 1)

Chapter 47

Days went by and with each passing day, our worries grew deeper. Each night we prayed for their safe return, and each morning we were left disappointed and sick at the thought that we may never see our allies again.

On the night before the we were to leave if they weren't back, we were sick with worry and regret. I prayed our nightly prayer, begging for allies' safe return, then we lit the fire and sat side by side staring at the flames. We were mostly packed up and ready to leave if our worst fear came true. "My father was right. I do ruin everything." I said quietly.

"What?" Benjamin asked, "What did you just say?"

"I ruin everything." I said, tears welling up in my eyes.

"What are you talking about Bethany?" He asked, "Why would you say that? You saved my life. You escaped certain death. You don't ruin things, you make thing better. Don't you ever say that again, Bethany. You hear me?"

"Benjamin, three more people may be dead because of me. If they were caught, it'll be all my fault. "The Mijan's would still be alive if it wasn't for me. And so would Cory, Alex, and Sophie. They all would have been better off if you would have just let Acer finish the job."

Benjamin looked at me, anger flickering in his eyes, he grabbed both of my shoulders in his hands and looked me in the eyes. "How dare you say that, Bethany? How dare you?" His eyes were welling up and he was looking at me like he didn't even know me.

"Dr. Mijan knew the risks. We talked about this. You never could have guessed that he would have been found out, or that his punishment would be death. And we don't know what happened to Cory, Alex, and Sophie. Even if they are dead, they chose to help, and they too knew the risks."

Then he looked away from me, disappointed. "I still can't believe what you just said. I could never have lived if you had died. If I'd had 'let Acer finish the job'. You are no good to anyone, dead, Bethany!"

I grabbed his chin and turned his head so he was looking at me again. Tears were streaming down his face and I wiped them away. "I'm sorry, okay, I'm so sorry. I just feel so guilty. I couldn't live with myself if we lost any of them. The guilt over Dr. Mijan and his wife already eats at me every single day. I won't say it again, okay, I'm sorry."

Never." He said sternly, "Don't you ever say it again." And he pulled me into his chest.

"I'm sorry." I said again as he stroked my hair.

"If they don't come back tomorrow, and we have to leave, you will not blame yourself. You will not wish that Acer had murdered you. Instead you will move on, you will fight, you will get to the rebel regions, because that is what they wanted. That is why they risked their lives."

"You're right." I replied. He leaned back, my head still on his chest. We had just one more sleep here, whether or not our allies returned. And it was not a good night. I barely slept. I kept being awoken by nightmares about Cory, Alex, and even little Sophie, being tortured for information about us. After waking up the third time, I just decided to stay awake until Benjamin woke up. I was trembling from the last dream, so I moved away from Benjamin, so I wouldn't wake him.

The moon was full and I laid back and gazed at it until the sun began to rise. Once it was bright enough, I began to gather the rest of our things and put it in our packs, so we would be ready to leave either when our allies arrived, or when we had to leave without them.

Benjamin was facing the other way, laying on his side. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him begin to stir, so I turned to him and watched his back as he stretched and began to wake up. When he realized I wasn't between his arms he panicked and sat up in an instant. "Bethany!?" He cried. I moved back over to him and put my hand on his shoulder to calm him down. He turned on me, knife in hand, the blade pointed at my heart. I jerked back and he dropped the knife and wrapped his arms around me.  "Sorry." He whispered, "I panicked, you weren't here, and..."