THE MAZE TRIALS ┃tmr love triangle

Epilogue

"Do you really think forgetting will make the pain go away?"

Penelope

THEY SAY that in order to fly, you must fall, and in order to love, you must experience heartbreak. I think it's unfair, however, why should we have to experience unnecessary pain? A greater good cannot be worth it.

They said W.I.C.K.E.D. are working on finding a cure, to save all of mankind, it's what Vince told me when we first arrived, but I didn't understand their methods. I think W.I.C.K.E.D. have killed more people than they'll ever save with whatever cure they're trying to find for the supposed flare, we started with fifty gladers and supposedly came out with nine. If killing kids is a part of the greater good, I don't think I want to be part of it.

At first I tried to block out the memories of Zart, of Clint and Jeff, and tried to pretend like Chuck never existed. It helped for the first night, but it soon felt like the longer I tried to block it out, the longer the pain continued.

I can no longer bug Jeff for a lunch break, or tell him that I think he and Clint have a secret affair, or tell Clint that he needs to wash his jacket because it still smells of him when I wear it. I'm sort of glad about it now, as I haven't taken it off since the night I lost him, and it still faintly smells like him. Pinewood and medical supplies.

It's like I'm constantly stuck in a loop, waiting for them to come back, waiting for Chuck to walk into the room and tell me that we're having stew and that he would eat mine for me. Chuck was only twelve when he passed, and I couldn't bare the thought of it. 

I remember many things about Chuck, like the way he used to cheer everyone up, or the way his eyes would light up when he smiled, or how many hours he spent making his small wooden figure for his parents. 

It isn't just Chuck, Clint and Jeff that I've tried blocking out the pain regarding, it's the other gladers too. I remember Zart and I's first conversation like the back of my hand, and I often find it replaying over and over in my head like a film on repeat, never ending.

What hurts the most is accepting that I'll never see the boys again, like Thomas, Newt, Minho, everyone. I feel devoid of emotion, not depressed, it's like someone took out half of my heart and left it there on the floor. I can only stop and stare helplessly as I bit by bit decay into an empty pond of nothingness.

Gally has been my best friend, and all I can remember is all the nights he has spent stargazing with me, or braiding my hair early in the morning, even when the other boys teased him for it. I had tried to braid my hair early this morning, but it hadn't worked, as though it was made for him. 

Gally hasn't been the same since that night, not physically at least. He hasn't moved since Vince moved him to Denver, a sort of city that he's holding us in while pending transportation to what he calls The Last City, near WCKD's headquarters.