THE MAZE TRIALS ┃tmr love triangle

20

"I love you, thank you."

Penelope

PERHAPS it's a catch 22 sort of situation, a sadistic way of the creators testing me to my limits, bending me over backwards until they hear the satisfying click of a broken spine, or heart. Maybe either would work for whoever these sick bastards are. 

Even so, I can't stop wondering why Thomas openly admitted to working for them, because even if Newt was happy to say who we were before the maze didn't even exist anymore, it disgusted me.

Knowing that Thomas could've watched Newt try to end his own life, and continued sending more of us down here- how could he ever forgive himself for such a thing? Let alone for him to be angry with me for not blindly obeying his reckless orders.

The thought alone is enough to send me into an oblivion of unidentified emotions which I can't separate from one another, nor can I decipher what they actually are or why I'm feeling them. 

It's easy to say you hate someone, far easier than it is to say you love them, perhaps that's why I find it so hard to face how I feel all the time. Like with Newt and how we always go back and forth, an endless cycle neither of us are yet to break. Then there's Thomas, too, and how angry he got at me over the situation at hand.

I don't know if Thomas wants to apologise, let alone if he will even have the chance now that it's getting dark and Fry and I just finished making dinner for everyone. I'm helping while he talks all about his life, how him and Gally are handling the changes going on, and it's all I really can do since the medjack hut is burnt down.

I curse myself repeatedly for letting my mind wander back to Clint every few minutes. It hurts too much to remember, and I can't get the image of him, Jeff and I hanging around the medjack hut while Alby yells at us to work when there is nothing to do.

When Fry gives me a plate of food, I immediately make my way over to Jeff, my eyes not leaving his slumped figure as he sits down on a log by himself. My plate of food is set next to me as I perch beside him, his head barely lifting in acknowledgement as he notices me. "Hey.." My voice is quiet, nervous since we haven't spoken since that night.

"Hey, Pen." Jeff closes his eyes briefly, leaning against my side without hesitation. "I'm gonna miss you, y'know? I'll miss everything." I guess everything refers to Clint.

"I'm gonna miss you even more, loser." A small smile breaks out onto our faces, though brief and gone just as fast as it was there. "You're really going with them?" I ask him.

"There's nothing left for me here anymore, you know?" I'll admit I'm a little hurt by his statement, but I don't expect anyone to stay just because I'm going to stay, too. 

"I know." I whisper now, unsure of what to say. "I miss Clint. And Alby, Zart..everyone." My voice trails off, my eyes welling with tears for what must be the millionth time.