Untitled Fears

3

"You've seen my house, how come I can't see yours?" Kito asked as we walked towards my house. he insists on dropping me off every day since I've gone back to school. I've been to his house, met his mother, he took me on like 5 dates and after school, we spend every moment we have outside together. But, he doesn't know about the abuse from home. He's worrying more than he has to.

"Because it's a mess and my mom refuses to clean it," I said. When we got to the house, the driveway was empty meaning my mother was out.

"Thirty seconds, ten, a peek?" he begged and I smiled at his actions.

"Those aren't my rules, I just follow them," I told him, stopping him at the door.

"Please? I-what's burning?" he asked and his nose was turned to the air. I could smell it too. Like overcooked ham or something. That was coming from my house. Mom, you dumb bitch. I rushed through the door, which was unlocked, and raced to the stove where there was a fire going and the pan was engulfed in flames while the alarm was blinking like crazy but it was silent. I got an oven mitt and moved the pan to the sink where I ran water under it to put it out. I turned off the stupid alarm and sighed in relief as the house hadn't burned down. Then I remembered Kito in my living room. I peeked my head at him and he was surprised by the assortment of alcohol and pill bottles littered all around the floor. The shattered bottle stains on the wall and carpet.

"Who-wha-but-?" he tried to stutter out. "I don't get it."

I pulled him by his hand up to my room away from the chaos of downstairs and sat him next to me on the bed.

"They're not mine, or Olivia's," I clarified to him. "All the bottles belong our mother and I'm glad she's not here right now or else I would've had it coming."

"Why does your mother have so many bottles-why does she have any in general?" he asked, panicked.

"She's an alcoholic, and a big one too," I told him. "She has been since I was born. I never brought anyone over to our house, let anyone in, not after how badly she hurt me for doing in the first time."

"She hurts you?!" He exclaimed. "I thought you were always just getting new scars from the kids at school. If I had known it was coming from here-"

"Kito, please be quiet, I can handle myself," I promised. "Most of my scars come here, the rest come from school. Plus, I've been dealing with this for a while. It's okay."

He pulled me into his lap and hugged me close.

"Please don't lie and say it's okay, because I know it's not," he told me. "You can stay at my house until you move out in a few weeks. We just have to graduate and then you can leave. Please don't live like this, Ry. I can't lose you in the one place I thought was safe."

"I'm only safe when wrapped in your arms," I replied. "I'll be okay, I promise. Just please don't leave me. I know I'm not perfect but-"

Before I could start ranting my depreciation for myself, there was warmth on my lips and it was Kito's lips on mine. He held my chin and guided my lips to mold with his. His tongue swirled around mine, exploring the entirety of my mouth before we pulled away. I almost went after his mouth to bring back the warmth but he breathed a laugh.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told me. "You think there's enough time to have sex before your mother comes home?"

"I don't know when she gets back, but we should have time," I replied. Mostly, I just wanted to kiss him again. More than anything.

---(You know what happened. This isn't a smut book.)---

I turned on my side and was turning in the pair of arms wrapped around me. The sun was still out and there was no noise from downstairs so I guessed my mother wasn't home. I looked at Kito's slumbering face and poked his nose gently. If I got to wake up like this forever, I'm okay with it. I kissed his head before slipping from his embrace and throwing on underwear, pants, and an undershirt. When I got downstairs, I remembered the fire that almost occurred down here and took the bunt pot and just threw it in a pile of garbage that was due to go out. I rummaged the fridge and took out cheese and brought bread from the box next to the microwave. I put it on the pan and made 4 grilled cheese sandwiches and plated the 4 on two separate plates with two on each plate. I took them upstairs and found Kito looking through the only baby album in the whole house. I gave him one plate and I took the other and we went over the pictures together.