Trepidation [Book 1]

Chapter 16: long time no see

Walking into the study lounge, my body freezes. For the last month and a half, I have tried in all my power to ignore and stay away from him.

There were many nights where I felt guilty for doing it; for ignoring him because he owed me nothing, and we were friends... nothing more than that. But it hurt. I know he deserved- deserves an explanation. But how can I do that? I don't know what I would say.

Sorry... I saw you making out with some girl on campus, and even though we weren't dating, it broke my heart more than when I saw my ex cheat on me. Yeah, that go down amazingly!

Our relationship together was purely platonic, but I stupidly fell for his charm, for his kind and hilarious personality. It was only a month but it felt longer, so much longer.

I dropped psychology. I changed my workdays because of my paranoia of him trying to find me. If I saw him, I would pettily hide and turn the other way.

So, now as I stand in the entrance of the study lounge, watching him flip the page of his textbook as he lays on his back on the sofa, I counter my options. Do I go back to my room where I will hide, be bored and alone? Or finally approach him after so long.

I'm a coward, I know.

I wouldn't be surprised if he hates me.

Apparently, karma hates me. My textbook drops from my arms to the floor, making the most obnoxiously loud noise, and he immediately jumps up, looking back at me.

"Fran- Francesca." His eyes are wide, standing meters away from me, looking like he's just seen Casper The Friendly Ghost.

Not a better time other than the present, right?

"Hey." I whisper, feeling immediately awkward. Can the floor swallow me up whole, please and thank you?

"What are you doing here?" He asks, his eyebrows knitted together.

"Thought I'd get some studying in." I say, picking up the book that I clumsily dropped to the floor.

"No. I mean here – as in college." He extends.

"Oh... um, just family problems. I haven't really heard from... home in a while so I'm staying here." I explain as best as possible, feeling a knot form from the dreadful reality that I haven't heard from my family since I arrived here.

"On Thanksgiving? So, you have no plans?" He asks and I shake my head, feeling a little empty at the revelation. "I thought I was the only one on campus."

"Why are you on campus?" I ask, shuffling on my feet.

"Just needed to get some studying in. I'm failing a class, and home isn't exactly quiet as you know. I'll be home in the morning so I can help prepare the meal." He explains.

"You're failing?" I ask, shocked. He's very smart, so I wonder if that's my doing. I hope not.

"Yeah, just not been in the best frame of mind lately. And I've been busy with boxing and the gym – that's my priority and I guess I let things slip." He says, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

"Don't let me get in your way. I can leave or-" I begin to ramble before he cuts me off.

"You don't have to. There's plenty of room, I think there's enough sofas for everyone, don't you?" He asks, sitting back down on the blue one.

I know there's enough sofas... I'm more worried about the tension that's very clear between us.

The only reason I chose the common study lounge was because I hate being alone. I don't even have to study, but I don't trust myself to be alone, consumed with negative thoughts. So, even though I don't have to study, it's better than wallowing and possibly doing something I regret.