Trepidation [Book 1]

Chapter 18: with pleasure comes pain

Walking out of the bathroom, I feel somewhat self-conscious walking back into the bedroom with no clothes on, but I smile when I see him laid there on my bed.

"You look cold, come here." He lifts the blankets and sadly he's wearing his boxers again. I suppress the hidden sadness I hold against him for that, and I giggle, walking over to him before climbing over him, so I'm on the other side, next to the wall. "See, you're cold."

"The bathroom is cold." I whisper, getting comfortable next to him on this teeny, tiny bed. I don't know how we're both lying here together. "You're warm."

"I know because I only took five seconds in there." He whispers and I groan, closing my eyes. "You tired?"

"Yeah, I woke up at four this morning." I whisper.

"Nightmare?" He asks gently and I nod against his chest, gulping down the knot in my throat. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, it's okay." I shake my head slightly.

"Is that why you have the drugs?" He asks.

"Can we not?" I ask, sighing.

"You have a lot of drugs in that drawer, Francesca, I'm only looking out for you." He says, and I sit up, running my fingers through my hair.

"I haven't touched them." I say, looking back at him.

"But that doesn't explain why you have them in the first place." He frowns.

"You've turned up today, you can't just come in here and expect me to tell you everything. I don't have to explain myself and my things to you, Ethan." I say and he sucks his teeth before getting up. "What are you doing?"

"I tell you that I'm here for you. Have I not earned your trust because I trust you with everything? I've opened up to your countless times, but all you've done is opened your legs. Why, for once, can't you open your heart to me? You like me, I like you but you won't trust me. I'm here, with you and telling you that I'm someone you can trust and talk to. You are obviously dealing with something and I know you are but dealing with it alone with kill you. It will eat you up inside and kill you, Francesca!" He exclaims, and I wipe the angry tears from my cheeks before getting out of bed with shaky hands.

"You have no place to tell me what I can and cannot do! So leave, Ethan. I was fine before you showed up. I was coping." I say, pulling my shirt over my head.

"The first time I saw you, you were having a panic attack. You had tears streaming down you face! If that was coping, I don't know what you are right now. I am not saying you need to tell me but tell someone. Get some help because I don't want to attend yet another funeral because someone, I care about chose drugs and alcohol. I'm here, standing right in front of you and you can't even look me in the eyes." He says, laughing dryly, and that's when I finally do. His eyes, bloodshot and dilated, tears threatening to spill over.

"My past is my past, and I told you I can't speak about it. I'm living in the present. Is there anything wrong with that?!" I practically scream at him, and he grabs hold of my wrists, pulling me closer to him.

"Yes, yes there is. You're using drugs to cover up the fact you are obviously in pain. Not dealing with it is going to make this worse and worse until you can't deal with it no longer. It will only blur the pain so much, Francesca until it doesn't and then what? I am not judging you, we've all done the occasional drugs, but I am sincerely looking out for you. You are a beautiful, smart girl. You have a future, and I don't think your parents would like a phone call hearing that their daughter has overdosed over something she could have dealt with." He says and my heart clenches, anger souring to my head.