Trepidation [Book 1]

Chapter 32: back to reality

Happiness – a feeling I usually mask with a smile on my face, and fake until I can't no longer, but around Ethan I've found myself no longer needing to.

One minute in a room with Ethan and he'll make me laugh or smile one way or another. Everything he does surprises me, everyday it's different with him. He makes me feel alive.

There was a moment where I thought I'd never get through it, that I didn't want to.

Coming to college this year and meeting Ethan is the best thing that's happened to me, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without him.

He's saved me countless times.

He's saved me from the panic attacks, the nightmares, the guy at that club, Shawn at the frat house, but most of all, he's saved me from myself.

I am my own worst nightmare, and simply being with him has let me have the break I needed. Without him, I don't know who I'd be right now. I wouldn't be the Francesca we now all know.

I'll be forever grateful for him, and I hope he knows it.

Yesterday was one of the best days I've ever endured – especially lately. Every minute of yesterday, a smile was on my face; I was happy inside and out.

From waking up beside him, teasing and annoying him, the cake testing, shopping and of course it snowing when we were at the Rockefeller Tree – that was the highlight of my day. It was simple yet I loved it; just us together watching the snow fall. I was happy.

In that moment I thought nothing could ruin this time we have together because I truly believed it.

How wrong I could be though.

Today had actually been really fucking good, aside from the nightmare I woke up from. Ethan and I had laid in until around eleven, we then shared a shower before going on a walk around Central Park – it hadn't stopped snowing since it first came down yesterday afternoon, so the park was without question, beautiful.

He nearly persuaded me to go ice-skating with him, they key word being 'nearly'. I stood my ground and kept refusing despite his puppy eyes and pleading face. If one day we do that, it's going to be with my friends because I'm only doing it once. Thankfully he took my answer after the hundredth time of asking, and we got hot chocolate instead. In my opinion, hot chocolate is way better than getting a bruised ass caused by frozen ice.

After a beautiful stroll in the snowy park, we had decided together we didn't want to leave it too late to drive home considering it was almost two PM. With the snow still falling and the traffic, it would just be safe to go earlier. But we made sure to visit at least one museum before we did. And at first it was really interesting; we were at an art museum and some of the artwork was simply beautiful; I was mesmerized and Ethan made sure to take photos – he's being doing that the whole trip – but we both got bored soon enough.

I love art, he respects it, but it was boring, and we were nearly thrown out by security for 'messing around' even though we were simply laughing together.

Happiness.

We had gone back to the hotel where we packed up our things, said an overdramatic goodbye to the room, and then we were on our way home.

This trip to New York was amazing, and I loved every single part of it. There were food, movies, braids, kissing in the snow, number sharing, being asked to be his girlfriend, nail varnish, tons of laughter shared and amazing sights. Ethan being one of them.

The drive home was stressful, it was falling dark and snowing so hard, and my road rage had awoken. What made is worse was that Ethan was amused by it – now I don't exactly blame him, I mean I was having a meltdown over snow. But it pissed me off.