Survival ( Book 2: Stronger Series )

27. Fuel

Another week went by after that, and I felt so much better being able to roam the house while Darren was away. There was so much to explore and do, and I could feel my spirits finally lifting. Each day after breakfast, I would wash my makeup off, work out and train for an hour or two, shower, and make myself pretty all over again. My workouts did wonders for the depression that had been slowly seeping in, and I looked forward to it every day. I could feel myself getting stronger, and it wasn't long before my body began to bounce back. Darren still had not supplied me with boxing gloves, and I think he was afraid I'd break another nail again. Stupid girly concerns.

Now that I was able to roam, I had a better idea of the staff who helped manage the estate. I discovered there were, at least, five guards who roamed the inside of the house and three who guarded the outside. They never spoke to me, but I knew they were watching me, reporting my daily activities to Darren. I was careful not to draw too much attention to myself as I was still plotting my escape. I had made it through phase one; now, I just had to be able to make it outside.

The rest of the staff was quick to ignore me. There were a few maids here and there along with gardeners and people who tended to the grounds. Once I thought one of the gardeners had recognized me. I had been watching the birds through the windows and caught him staring at me as if he was trying to place my face. I had glanced at him for only a second, but the glimmer in his eyes told me he suddenly knew who I was. A twinge of panic had filled my stomach then as I wondered if he would act on it, and then I sighed to myself hoping he wouldn't because he would just get himself in trouble. I left the window then, hoping he would forget about me. I was still lonely, but at least, I had so much more to do with my time. I welcomed the distractions, but with more privileges came more responsibilities.

When Darren came home, he enjoyed hunting me down and fucking me, no matter where I was or what I was doing. Some days, he would throw me over his shoulder and carry me up to his bedroom, and other days, he would call ahead to one of the guards, telling them to inform me to be waiting for him at the door or in his bed the second he came home. I had to admit the smile on his face when he first walked through the front door did make me feel pretty special. I hated that I felt that way, but my subconscious was clinging to any feeling that made me feel good, no matter who or what it came from.

How I ever got past the disgust of him being inside me, I'll never know. I had somehow trained myself to forget and pretend it was consensual, but the more I pretended, the more I came to realize a disturbing change in my body. The oddest thing to come out of my conditioning was the horrifying surprise of how wet I became when I found myself terrified in Darren's presence. I didn't know why my body responded that way, but every threat he made, every warning he gave, made something dark and hot blossom inside me. I couldn't explain it, but the more time I spent with him, the more frequent it became. I felt twisted and confused, and even more embarrassed when Darren acted on his threats and discovered my misplaced arousal. The smugness on his face would last for days, further adding to my mortification.

Some days were easier to forget when he was gentle and loving, but it was rare. Most of the time, he fucked me like some kind of crazed animal, marking his territory, reminding me I was his and no one else's. What was worse was that I found myself craving it. I hated the man so much, my need for revenge and blood never wavering, but when my body was under his, I somehow became a different person. And I didn't like her. I allowed that to happen ... because I knew it had to happen. I had to give myself over to his demands if he was ever going to trust me. So I had to make it real, but that didn't make it any easier.

Accepting his ownership was still difficult for me. He drilled it into my head every day, kissing my wrists where his name permanently adorned my skin. It was hard to hide my revulsion at first, but eventually, I grew to ignore it. He could believe whatever he wanted. It didn't make it true. But then again, the scale was about to tip, and I wasn't sure which way it would favor.