Come On Angel, Don't You Cry

Chapter 13: Dreaming

I held Frank for about an hour after that. We ended up laying on the bed cuddling. I went to leave, but Frank grabbed my wrist.

"Please, stay?" He asked. Looking up at me with wide questioning eyes.

I nodded and laid back next to him, holding him as he slept, playing with strands of his hair. I, eventually, fell asleep as well.

*Dream*

All of a sudden a light flashes before my eyes. Bright white. I look around, but I'm no longer laying down next to Frank. Now I'm in a crowd. My brother standing next to me. Young, smiling, happy. I look around, noticing that I'm at the same venue that I took Mikey to when we saw Smashing Pumpkins. His first concert. But it's very different. A different vibe. It's the same place, the same time of year. Mikey's even wearimg the same shirt he wore. And he's the same age. But it feels so different. I look toward the stage, I see the band. They're all there. Strumming their guitars, banging the drums. Everything but I realize I hear nothing. I can't hear a thing.

The light flashes again. And I'm on the roof of the home I grew up in. I hear birds tweeting, see the sky, blue and cloud-filled, I feel the cold through my hoodie. I watch Mikey crawl through the same window I did. I hear everything, except his voice. His lips move, he smiles but I can't hear any of it. I can't control myself either for if I could I wouldn't have pushed him, but I did. Just like the first time.

The flash happens again and now I'm on a stage. In front of thousands of people. A microphone in hand and I'm singing words to a song I've never heard before. The crowd sings them with me. I look around the stage, Mikey plays a bass, watching his fingers carefully, Ray and Frank both hold guitars, strumming. I don't know the words to the song that I'm singing but it's like they come from somewhere else because I sing them confidently. I take the moment to listen to the words that flow from my mouth.

"And If you carry on this way
Things are better if I stay
So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight

Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend
To leave? And then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide"

The light flashes again and I'm in a car. Frank's car. We're driving down the highway, the song we were playing on a stage not five minutes before is now playing on the radio. I try to tell Frank something, but I can't speak. The words are on my tongue but they will not weave through my vocal cords. I give up.

Frank turns down the radio before glancing at me and asking me a question. I can't understand him though. I try to ask him what he said but again my words won't corporate. He turns his head to me, expecting an answer. I look to the road trying to focus on giving him one, but it won't happen. He continues to stare at me, but I can't say anything. I watch as the car swerves and Frank tries to recover and get back on the road but he is unable to. We slam into the gaurd rail and instead of a white light, my eyes flash black.

I, now, see a ceiling. As if I was laying down. I try to sit up, but my body refuses to move. I stare at the ceiling, its tall, cathedral-like. I see movement out of the corner of my eye and try to turn my head towards it, but I can't move at all. I look with only my eyes, but am met with a fluffy white side. And then I figure it out. I'm attending my own funeral.

I watch as my loved ones all come by, placing items of importance in the pockets of my suit. In the side of my casket. I want to scream out to them. Tell them I'm here. That I can see them, but again I can't move. My lips won't budge.

They all walk past, not knowing that I can see them. I can hear their sobs. I feel their pain. I can't do anything. I count a total of 20 walk by. Friends, cousins, aunts, uncles. They all pass, but the worst one comes in my 21st visitor. Mikey. I watch the tears fall down his face, as he places a picture, the picture of me and him that Frank brought with him from my home, on my chest. He looks down for a second before wiping tears from his eyes and placing a single rose in my hands. A single red rose.

He pushes his hair out of his face before muttering, "Why did you let him do this to you?"

I wanted to scream out to him and hold him. Tell him that I'm okay. That I love him, but again I can't. I watch as tears stream down his face and he shuts my casket, leaving me in the dark.

*Ending of dream*

I jump awake, startling Frank, who was still laying beside me. He looks at me for a second before pulling me into a hug. I wasn't crying, I wasn't doing anything but I guess he just knew that I needed a hug. That I wasn't ok right now.

He runs his fingers through my hair, whispering over and over again, "It will be ok."

I'm just not sure I believe him.