Surviving You

10: Core Memory #5

Core Memory - Our First Argument

I walk into the cafeteria with a smile on my face. I sit beside Ally like usual and kiss her cheek. I notice she doesn't smile like usual and she scoots herself farther away from me. That's weird. I glance at everyone at the table who seem to be much more interested with their food than us. Weird.

"Hey Ally" I greet her and when she doesn't answer I know something is definitely wrong.

"Ally, are you okay?" Still silence. My heart starts to pick up it's pace as I begin to wonder what the hell I did wrong.

"Ally, are you ignoring me?"

"What happened? Are you ok?" Still nothing. I scoot closer to her and try to get her to look me in the eye but she looks away from me.

"Ally please talk to me. I need you to talk so we can fix this"

"Oh so now you want to talk?" Now it's my turn to stare at her silently. What is she talking about? Am I the only one confused?

"You know what's funny Alex? You want to talk after ignoring me all weekend!" She huffs angrily and I stare at her in shock. I didn't ignore her. We just didn't talk much, or maybe at all.

"Wait Ally I think there's been a misunderstanding, I didn't ignore you. We just didn't talk much"

"Oh like that's a whole lot better" She mumbles sarcastically while rolling her eyes and crossing her arms.

"I'm really confused Ally, what did I do wrong?"

"The fact that you don't know makes it a whole lot worse! Have you ever noticed that I'm the only one that ever texts you first, calls you first, the first to make plans to get together. I do it all! So this weekend I thought, hmm what if I just stop texting first and I'll see what Alex will do. Spoiler alert, the answer is nothing! You don't do anything! Not one text or phone call! Do you even care about me Alex? I feel like I'm the only one who flipping cares about our relationship!" Ally angrily speaks, her face growing red with anger.

"Ally, of course I care about our relationship, about you. I'm sorry if I don't text you or call you first. Is it really that big of a deal?" I ask her, thoroughly confused why this was made into such a big deal. Why couldn't she have just told me that she wanted me to text her more and then I would. Problem solved.

"Yes this is a big deal Alex. Can't you see? You not putting in any effort shows me that you don't really care that much about me. It shows me that your life would be totally unaffected if I were to just up and leave. Answer me this Alex, would you even realize if I left you? You're so wrapped up in your own little world that you don't realize your actions, or lack there of, affect people. It hurts me Alex. I'm not going to sit here and beg you to care. If you don't care about me then that's fine. We're done until you can get your act together Alex. Because I should be your number one priority" Ally stands up and packs her things and leaves the cafeteria. I look up at my friends who all glare at me. What the fuck?

"You know, for as smart as you are academically, you sure are a dumbass when it comes to girls" Eric states and for the first time in my life I find myself agreeing to what he said. I am a dumbass when it comes to girls. How could I be so stupid? Of course she's my first priority but I never considered how she felt when I didn't text her. It was the little things like this that you don't realize affect someone else when you're so used to being alone. I'm still adjusting to the fact that I'm apart of a partnership now, it's not just me against the world and I have to start showing Ally just how much she means to me.

Wait, she said we were done. My head whips up to see four curious eyes looking at me.

"Did we just break up? Did she just leave me? Did I screw this whole thing up?" I frantically ask my friends and Nate and Eric press their lips into thin lines.

"Calm down Alex, you guys didn't break up. But it's not looking good. She's given you an ultimatum, get your shit together and treat her right or she's done. You need to go find her and apologize. After apologizing, you need to actually show effort. Don't just say you will text her, you actually have to text her first and show her how much she really means to you. You love her right?" Raven advices me and I calm down slightly.

"Of course. I love her so much. She means everything to me and I can't believe I'm such an idiot who didn't realize how sucky I treat her. I don't ever want to take her for granted. God I'm an idiot" I groan while running my hands over my face.

"It's not too late Alex, go show her how much she means to you" Julia encourages. I look up at my friends who are all nodding and pleading with me to go win her back.

I collect my things and race out of the cafeteria to look for Ally. I don't find her in the hallway so I leave school and find her sitting under a tree in the courtyard. Her face is red and her eyes hold tears in them. Her hair is messy, probably from running her hands through it.

I sit down beside her but she doesn't look up at me, her head stays down looking at the grass below us. We sit in silence for a few moments, the only sounds is the wind whistling through the leaves above us and Ally sniffling.

"I'm not perfect Ally. I'm going to fuck up, a lot. I've never been in a relationship. I don't even know the first thing there is to know about girls. But I am trying. I'm trying to be the boyfriend you deserve. I'm sorry you felt like I don't care about you. I will make more of an effort to text and call you because I love you Ally. I love spending time with you. I love texting you and calling you and hearing you rant about your day. But for our relationship to work, I need you to tell me when I fuck up or when I do something that upsets you. I don't ever want our problems to fester into a big fight. I love you too much to be the reason you cry. It's killing me knowing my actions caused these tears" I turn toward her and lift her chin with my fingers. I swipe under her eyes and collect her tears. She sniffles again and looks into my eyes, sensing my serenity.

"I'm sorry too. I should've told you when I realized how much it bothered me" She mumbles and I shake my head.

"Don't apologize. I'm the one at fault here. But I would appreciate if we could communicate better" I suggest and she laughs softly and agrees with me.

"I love you sweetheart" I mumble as I kiss her gently, tasting the salty tears on her lips.

"I love you too Alex" She mumbles against my lips.

A/N
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