𝐵𝐴𝑅𝐵𝐼𝐸, 𝗺𝗶𝗱𝟵𝟬𝘀

𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗲𝗹𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻.

𝕨𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕞𝕦𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 - 𝕌𝕂 𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕗 - 𝕡𝕚𝕩𝕚𝕖𝕤

☺︎︎

she hasn't said a word.

not when the two boys were finally pulled apart, fuckshit with a ruined shirt and a bloody nose, ruben with cuts littering his face and a bruise already forming around his eye.

not when ruben stormed out of the house and down the street, the rest of the boys following shortly after him with only sympathetic looks to jeslyn and disappointed ones to fuckshit.

not when she ushered him into the bathroom, onto the bathroom counter, and began attending his wounds like she'd done it a million times.

granted, he hasn't spoken to her either.

what was he supposed to say? "sorry for fighting one of my best friend's in your kitchen." or, "i swear i don't fuck all of the girls i hang out with."

he couldn't even tell her the last one, not truthfully. as much as ruben had been a complete fucking dick, fuckshit couldn't blame him for assuming that all fuckshit wanted was to fuck jeslyn and then move on to the next girl. that was what fuckshit did, with a lot of girls, but he wasn't going to do that with jeslyn.

he hated the way it sounded even in his head. so disrespectful, like she was just an object that he could use and than throw away. hated even more that he'd already done that to countless other girls.

and now he was having a pity party for himself inside his head while he should be apologizing to jeslyn, who, for whatever fucking reason, stood in front of him dabbing ointment on a cut on his face with tenderness instead of kicking him out of her house or cussing him out.

he almost wished she was cussing him out, than at least she'd be speaking to him.

"i'm sorry."

it wasn't what he meant to say, but it's what tumbled out of his mouth because he knew he had to say something.

she pulled her hand away from his face slowly, screwing her face up in confusion, "for...?"

he squinted his eyes at her, "whatchu' mean? for all that shit that just went down like, not even ten minutes ago." fuckshit exclaimed, gesturing with his hand toward the bathroom door, which led directly to the kitchen.

jeslyn screwed the cap back on the ointment she held in her hand, purposely avoiding making eye-contact with fuckshit. she didn't really want to talk about what just happened. if they talked about it, than she might know the truth about what ruben had accused fuckshit of, and she was sure the truth would hurt her.

her first instinct was to kick everyone out. yell at the top of her lungs at all of them, "get the fuck out of my house." but all she ended up doing was repeating that same sentence over and over again in her head as she sat on her kitchen counter and watched them leave. well, all of them except fuckshit. why was it that it always ended up being just fuckshit and jeslyn left?

he was wiping at the blood dripping out of his nose aggressively, muttering profanities under his breath. he wasn't doing a very good job of it, so her second instinct was to help him.

he didn't say anything as she guided him to her bathroom, or when she gestured for him to sit on the counter, or when she handed him a tissue for his nose and started cleaning his face and dabbing ointment on his wounds.

she didn't talk either, because she was way too busy being stuck in her head replaying the events that just took place, and every moment she could remember of fuckshit being what she thought was an actual decent guy.

fuckshit was a ladies man, jeslyn knew this. she'd seen him before at parties, with a different girl each time, just had never given it much thought up until this point.

it was never the same girl. though she only caught mere glimpses, she remembered what most of them looked like. tall, skinny, blonde, perfect bodies. the opposite of her. but it wouldn't do her any good to dwell on that.

she'd hung out with fuckshit multiple times. she'd been seen in public, with fuckshit, multiple times. fuckshit had walked her home. fuckshit had comforted her. fuckshit had defended her, going against one of his best friends. she had told fuckshit things she'd never told anyone, but did any of that even matter? or was it just part of some little game that had dragged on longer than he intended to get in her pants?

she wanted to think higher of fuckshit. she really did. but she had trust issues, major ones, which, likely stemmed from her parents and carried on through her inconsistent friends, nevertheless, she didn't know what to think, and so, she really didn't want to talk about it any further. yet here fuckshit was, in all his fuckshit fashion, wanting to talk about it and asking her questions she didn't know how to answer.

"it's okay." she lied.

lie, lie, lie. that's all jeslyn did to fuckshit, and she knew better than to by now. he could always tell when she was, so there really was no use. and was it really even okay, was she really okay with 'all that shit that went down?'

the simple answer was no, but of course, she wasn't going to tell him that.

it didn't matter, "nah, it's not, an' i can tell it's bothering you." fuckshit told her sincerely.

so blunt, always so blunt. why wasn't she like that, why couldn't she say how she felt?

she opened her mouth to lie again, insist everything was fine and so was she. she was just so used to always doing that, it became a habit.

he didn't let her, "listen, i really am sorry. i swear i don't want to fuck you. i mean - that's not what i meant, fuck. i do! i mean - fuck shit, not right now, like in the future and shit. you're hella chill, and fine as fuck, and i like your dimples and shit, and ruben is a fucking dick for saying that shit to you, and-"

he had his eyes closed as he rambled, like he was scared to open them, and he just kept going.

"fuckshit-" she cut him off. didn't really know why she did, she guessed it was fear of the unknown, of whatever fuckshit was going to say next, even though most of what he was saying were good things, it was too many compliments. fuck, now she sounded like a bitch. she wasn't used to it, a boy complimenting her. so maybe it was the unfamiliarity.

he opened his eyes when he heard her say his name.

"i like you, jeslyn. that's what i'm tryna say."

☺︎︎

lmaooo i am sorry AGAIN for taking so long. if i'm honest w yall i've just been depressed and not motivated to write, and i'll definitely try my best to get an update out soon but be patient w me please <333