Children of Night and Snow

34. Truth Hurts

The song ended and I was brought back to reality by Devan, who joined us at the table with his own plate full of food. He was the last one I didn't dance with yet before it was Nolan's turn. At least according to the deal they made without me. Not that I was bitter or anything.

"There seems to be a rumor in the crowd that eastern wall has been damaged," Devan said when he set his plate and drank it down.

"And is there any truth to it?" I asked him. Eastern part of town was where we lived. The idea that someone managed to break in unnerved me. I've been living here long enough to know why the walls were there. This wasn't Summerlands where we could run around as we wanted without worry in the World. In here, those walls were the ultimate and for many the only protection from the unforgiving elements as well as hunters, criminals and also rogues.

"Yes," Devan replied and I could tell Az stiffened next to me. "From what I know it was nothing serious. But it may be worth it to prepare in case this isn't an isolated incident," he carried on. Az nodded. It seemed once again like the two carried on in an unspoken silent conversation.

"Later," Az said in the end, earning a stern nod from Devan before they both returned to their food. I started to object to being left out of whatever was happening, but in the end decided better of it and remained quiet. I would probably find out soon enough.

"I believe it's my turn now," Devan smirked at me.

"We really need more women in this group," I replied as I accepted his hand and he led us onto the dance floor, leaving Az behind to his own devices. Devan merely chuckled at that.

"I have a question," I said once we began to dance, receiving nothing but a questioning look in return. "You told me that I need to have the Duskfall mark in order to be allowed in the city. So, how does it work with people who come for the market? How are they allowed inside?"

"They are not," he replied as we spun around a little to the side of the dance floor. Now it was my turn to give him a questioning look.

"The market itself isn't in the city. It's beneath," he explained.

"The tunnels!" There were times when I wondered why they were there. Yes, there was a section which served as sewers, but the majority seemed to have no purpose at all, unless it was a low cost housing project for rogues. It made sense now. Of course there was something else going on. Devan nodded.

"Vast majority of northern settlements don't allow outsiders in unless it's to bring supplies if they aren't self-sufficient. Of course mating bonds are another way but those are not up to us to decide. There are only very few cities you could enter and even move to otherwise. All of them military strongholds," he said.

"Why military of all places?" I asked.

"To join the army." A simple answer I didn't really consider.

"You have an army? What for?" From what I have seen, it felt like any grown wolf here was more than capable of self defense and attack if needed. Why have a designated army?

"Yes, mostly to keep an order in the lands. To help recovery in cases of disaster. And also out of ancient tradition. There were times when all wolves shared one kingdom, you know?" He was amused by my question now. I was about to ask some more, when we were interrupted by very impatient Nolan.

"You guys had her all night, it's my turn now," he stated, making me laugh a little. Devan merely rolled his eyes and let me go.

"Are you still upset with me?" Nolan's question caught me off guard. I have been sort of avoiding him since last night and his words reminded me why.

"I'm not... I wasn't upset," I replied after a few moments of silence.

"Must've had a wrong impression then," he mumbled and I knew he didn't believe a word I just said. I sighed.

"Where I come from, killing another of your own, even if rogue, it's one of the worst crimes you could commit. When I saw you in the cave, do what you did, it's hard to process, okay?" I did my best to explain the chaos on my mind without letting my fears take the reign.

"She would have done the same to us, Freya," Nolan's voice was cold, emotionless. I couldn't decide if it was because he cared too much about what I thought, or not at all. And I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"You enjoyed it," was my response, quiet and much more timid than I intended.

"What do you want me to say? That I regret it? Because I don't. This is who we are. What life here is like. You're naive if you think that this won't be you too someday," his words were harsh. I didn't want to hear them. I tried to push him away but he held me firmly in his arms.

"That's not true! I'm not a killer in case you missed that info somehow! And I'd never enjoy killing! Let go of me!" I hissed, feeling suddenly very angry. What was I expecting from him? From this conversation? I didn't know. And he just laughed, his grip on me as firm as ever.

"And you'll do what? Run away? You got somewhere to go? Back to the tunnels maybe?" he was outright vicious now, his words like sharp daggers into my chest.

"You're a jerk," I said, my anger now turned into despair as I let out a sob.

"Oh calm down, will you? I'm just doing you a favor here. You killed up in those mountains and you will kill again. It's only a matter of time before you kill another wolf, and then another, and another. And eventually, it won't matter to you anymore, because you'd go mad if you kept caring. And no matter what I say now, or how upset this truth makes you, at the end of the day we both know you're coming home with me tonight, with us. And you will get over this, because the alternative is far worse than having a relatively cozy life with a bunch of killers like us," he finished his little speech and I was silent. I didn't fight him anymore, I didn't have the strength anyway.

He was right, I wasn't going to leave them no matter who they were. I had nowhere to go and I was too selfish to stick to my principles if my own survival and comfort was on the line. But I was also too stubborn to admit that to him, especially in the state of mind I was currently in.

"Do you know what roses look like?" I asked him as the song we danced to ended and new began.

"We have winter roses, but not sure if those are what you mean. Why?" he asked, his voice warmer, both of us now much calmer.

"I think I'm ready to take you up on that tattoo offer," I replied and as I looked up to see him, his eyes now sparked with excitement and there was a grin on his face. Oh boy.