Children of Night and Snow

67. The Last Night

Nolan and I didn't talk about what happened. We didn't fight or scream at each other either. Since that day, our relationship got stuck in a limbo. We were still together, but we weren't. There were no more stolen kisses whenever we were alone, no more holding hands, he didn't hold me close at night, we barely even spoke and when we did try to get hot and heavy in the shower one time, we found ourselves unable to actually get on with it. But he also wasn't malicious or passive aggressive towards me. In the end, I missed the comfort of his closeness. And with the tests fast approaching, I felt that lack of comfort more than ever.

Safe to say after that attack I no longer trained alone with Az. It was all of us together, everywhere. I was grateful for the fact that we were used to doing this, used to be constantly in the group. Duskfall gave us many life lessons and taught us how to survive in the constant crowd without killing each other. Still, we all knew that once this was over, we had quite a few things to talk about.

My broken nose healed really quick once Demi put it back in place. Though the memory of biting a towel while she did it and the pain I've felt would probably haunt me forever. But I was alive and my enemies were not. Even most of my scratches healed leaving no trace or a very faint scaring. And most importantly, I gained a reputation. This along with the fact that there were always eight of us together meant that we were the last ones anyone thought of attacking again. But that hardly meant things were easy.

Our training continued every day, from dawn till dusk. We even stopped going swimming. It was just our room, dining hall and the gym for weeks to no end. And ahead of us only one goal. April flew by, then May and before we knew it, June was here and Summer Solstice with it. The final trial was almost upon us and the amount of candidates was reduced greatly. There were now only about thirty of us left and I had to fight my own imposter syndrome on a daily basis in order to not let panic take over. Because I couldn't afford that right now.

"Recruits! The time has finally come. Tomorrow morning you will pack your things and you will leave this place," general's voice cut through the low noise of the dining hall. It was the sixth of June today and we were eating our dinner when the man emerged from the shadows unannounced and unexpected. The sudden news seemed to stun the room as we were supposed to have another week left to train.

"Your final trial will start tomorrow. You will have a week maximum to finish it. But it may be less if the first twenty candidates cross the finish line earlier," he spoke, clearly enjoying the visible shock on faces of some. For the first time in months, Nolan reached for my hand and squeezed it under the table in a reassuring gesture I needed probably more, than I realized.

"Your task will be simple. Find the gate into Midnight City. If you can do that while surviving the maze that leads to it, that is," the general's words cause many to start murmuring now. This wasn't what they trained for. This wasn't on their list. Finally I understood what Az meant when he said I wouldn't need that stupid thing to begin with.

"You will be tested. Physically and mentally. Some of you will fail and some will die. If you don't wish to risk it, you may leave this place right now," he said and in the now clearly shocked crowd, one person got up and began to walk away. I got so distracted by watching them leave that I didn't even register the general's dismissal or when he wished us all good luck. Tomorrow. We were going to enter the final testing stage tomorrow. And once again I felt so very small in the room full of giants. What was I doing? What was I thinking?

"I can't do this," I started panicking once the door of our room closed behind us. "I can't do this. I'm not strong enough, I won't make it," I kept muttering while I was pacing back and forth.

"Freya," I heard Devan's voice, but I wasn't really listening. The panic which since the gym incident permanently nested in my chest was now rising up my throat. I couldn't do this. I was going to die.

"Freya, stop," Nolan's voice cut through the noise in my head like the sharpest knife and I finally managed to direct my attention towards my friends. Nolan, I needed him right now. He was all I needed. I threw my arms around his chest and squeezed tight, ignoring the possibility that he might not want me to or the fact that there were six of our friends in the room also. I needed that comfort and when his arms closed around me, my breathing finally began to ease.

"You'll be fine. Of all of us, you will likely be the most fine actually," he whispered to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked now much calmer but reluctant to let go of him.

"You crossed the Frozen Wastes and survived weeks in the tunnels just months ago. There is no reason why you shouldn't be strong enough to get through this," he shrugged like it was the most obvious thing.

"Oh," I said. I had no other answer. He had a point. Looking over his shoulder I saw all our friends giving me their own versions of reassuring smiles.

"What did I do to deserve you all?" I whispered looking at them. I was never a good girl. Maybe my punishment was too harsh, but that changed nothing about the fact that I was once a mean girl, a high school queen bee who was stuck in a circle of toxic relationships. The fact that Goddess blessed me with these people, who took me in when nobody else would and gave me a home and support I needed to survive was nothing short of a miracle.

"Don't get all mushy on us now. We've got a busy week ahead of us. Then we can get drunk and share our feelings," Lucia gave me a wink and patted my shoulder.

"She's right, let's get some sleep. There is nothing else we can do now. Enjoy the warmth, cause next few days we will probably be freezing our asses off," said Connor as he passed by us and went straight to bed. Others nodded in agreement and followed the suit, Nolan and I included.

That night he held me once again. I wasn't sure if it was because he decided to let go of his jealousy or if he simply knew I needed him now more than ever. I didn't have the strength or the courage to ask him either. Not when this could have been my very last night with him, with all of them for that matter. And when the morning came, we would have to separate and go into that maze each for our own.

The idea terrified me. It meant that we would be to a degree competing against one another. That it could very well end up being me or one of my friends in the finish line and the mere thought of that made me feel sick. I didn't have to ask to know this was likely on their minds as well. Especially because despite all the quiet in the room, their heartbeats gave away that just like me, they were unable to fall asleep, likely thinking about what tomorrow would bring.

I wondered if any of our opponents slept that night. And what happened to that one person who chose to leave and not even try. And I thought of Midnight City and what that place might look like. Whether or not I would ever get to see it and build a home there with my friends, my chosen family.