𝙾𝚌𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝙴𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜

𝙽𝚒𝚗𝚎

I stare into Billie's full-length mirror, at Billie herself. Of course, Billie has always been beautiful. Naturally, she is windswept and wild - her beauty an earthly kind. Since we were children, her curls have danced unconstrained and her mouth has been of elated expression. Billie's curls are now artfully collected at the nape of her neck. Her face - for once - in serenity, in witness to herself. Billie dusted her eyes with golden flakes complimenting the warmth of her burnt orange dress, itself striking with cutouts and a slit.

"You're beautiful," Billie says, looking at me via the mirror.

"You're more beautiful," I reply.

"You're most beautiful," Billie returns, ever competitive even at being right.

Tonight was the long anticipated Ball. But for me, more like the very dreaded Ball. Unfortunately, my skin has decided it's the ring of fire; many more miniature volcanos I have had to cover with concealer. And bonus, the bra I have doesn't support my boobs.

"You look beautiful," Benji says, standing in the doorway.

He's so good at being nice. And given the opportunity, I ask, "Can you change my phone case to the one on the bed? I don't want to chip my nails."

"Of course," Benji complies, switching out my blue abalone case for the pearl.

Getting my turn to stand before the mirror, I see my eyes are prominently round. My nose is evidently boney. My mouth is too small. The beading of my sweetheart bodice does not distract from the limp, non-existence of my chest. The dress is too big around my waist and so I look like a rectangle.

A knock on the front door has Billie sprinting out of the bedroom – the fastest one can run in heels anyway. The rest of the Brown family and I make it to the hallway to see Billie open the door to Reef.

"You look stunning," Reef greets her.

"That is stunning," Billie replies, motioning past Reef.

"Hello, Mr and Mrs Brown," Reef waves, then smiles and nods at Benji and I.

"Is that for me?!" Billie squeals from beyond the house.

"You know to call us John and Maria," the latter says, having reached Reef to hug him. John gives Reef a handshake then brings him in for an embrace.

"Oh my goodness!" Billie bursts.

We all careen our heads out the front door. A blue vintage sports car is parked on the gravel, adorned with bush flowers and eucalyptus leaves across the base of the windscreen.

"It's so perfect," Billie says before Reef places his hands on her waist and kisses her lips.

I find my hands in prayer over my nose and mouth.

From the box, Reef pulls out a corsage and places it on Billie's wrist. Native flora, matching the car's adornment.

Tears prickle in my eyes. Telepathically, I know how much Billie loves the corsage.

Reef opens the car's side door for Billie to slide in. And soon enough, the car is a mere mirage through the dust.

This is why they're my favourite couple of all time.

༄ ❀ ༄

The entire car ride to the Ball, I want Benji to crash the car so I can die. When we pull up at Gabriel's house, I speak aloud my wish.

Benji considers me then says, "You look beautiful."

He's delusional.

"What's wrong?" Benji says, unclipping his seatbelt and moving his body to face me.

Tears well up in my eyes, threatening to spill. No Eden, no way am I looking more hideous than current.

Benji opens the glove box in front of me and pulls out a tissue. I pull down the sun visor. But taped next to the mirror is a picture of Billie and I. "The polaroid you put in Billie's Christmas card, she stuck there," Benji explains, "She hasn't yet moved it since getting her Kombi."

I remember Benji taking this shot of us; an arm wrapped around the other, the other of our arms supporting our vertical surfboards. We'd gone surfing that Saturday morning with Benji and Reef. Then had a picnic lunch on the sand, Billie's beach umbrella hanging over us.

Benji pulls down his visor and there's the polaroid I gave him in his Christmas card; a selfie I took of all four of us at the picnic.

I realise I have stopped crying. But I am still dreading Mick seeing me. Seraphina seeing me. Gabriel is going to think I look plain. Should I really care what Mick thinks, though? He has basically ignored me for the last month. And thus confirmed that he is waiting for something better to come along. I clutch my fists. "You know what Mick said to me —"

Speaking of, he drives past us. Benji mutters, "Beyond me that he didn't pick you up."

"My cue to get out," I say, having opened the door, "Thanks so much for driving me."

"It's the least a man can do," Benji says, opening his door as well.

As I lower myself from the Troopy to the gravel, I see Benji's hand to the side of me. I grasp it and get to the ground safely.

"I'll see you at the Ball," Benji says.

"You're not coming in the limo?" I ask.

"Decided not to in the end."

I want to give Benji a hug but Mick's probably watching. Instead, Benji walks around to the driver's seat. And so I begin the walk over to Mick's car.

As Mick opens his car door, Benji has U-turned and is kicking up dust on his exit out of the property. Mick passes me the box with my corsage in it.

"Shoes," he says before walking past me.

My silver shoes have a kitten heel; I couldn't go to the Ball in ballet flats...

Hearing Mick knocking on Gabriel's door, I open the clear box and put the corsage on my wrist. An indigo orchid.

It doesn't go with my dress at all.