𝙾𝚌𝚎𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚏 𝙴𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜

𝚃𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚢-𝚝𝚠𝚘

Having packed the camping equipment away, we head off to our separate vehicles. Gabriel hugs me before he leaves. Then kisses me. My lips are dry. And so is my passion. It additionally feels awkward because I know at least Billie witnessed it.

This time, the boys take off before us. The Kombi dawdles behind on the open road. Benji definitely has a heavy foot.

"Do give context," Billie says.

I don't even try to pretend I don't know what she's talking about. "We hung out last night," I say, feeling awkward all over again.

"What...?" Billie states.

"He knocked on my tent," I say, my neck shrinking into my shoulders.

"What?!"

"We hung out..."

"Stop telling me that! Give me the details!"

"Well —"

"The suspense, woman!"

"He —"

Billie slows down hurriedly and veers into a roadside rest stop.

I tell Billie what happened.

"Woah," Billie responds, "Is Gabriel your boyfriend?"

"I don't know that I want to commit to him."

"Why?"

"I suppose I'm scared of commitment."

"You're not scared of commitment. It's something else."

"What could it actually be then?"

"If this is how you feel, then maybe he's just not the guy for you," Billie states, shrugging. And drives the Kombi back onto the road.

"You think?"

"You don't have to end up in a relationship with every guy you date. That's why there's the dating phase and then the option of whether you want to enter into a relationship with the person."

"Hmm."

I feel the acid again gnawing at the walls of my stomach. Uncomfortable yet comforting. So worth not eating breakfast.

"Your brother is pissing me off," I say, almost too aggressively.

"Why?" Billie asks, sounding more concerned than a moment ago.

"He keeps asking me whether I'm okay, insinuating as to why I'm not eating. I'm not hungry!"

Billie keeps her eyes on the road.

It feels good not to eat breakfast.

"I'm not doing athletics anymore. Naturally, I'm going to lose the muscle tone and the weight and the need for the extra calories."

Soon you'll be even thinner.