Everywhere || N.H

Girl codes? // Chapter 36

~ Athena's eyes

Ever since I was a little kid I've always been scared of tons of things. Heights, spiders, snakes, men, darkness, you name it, I was probably scared of it. In other words, I was, -and continue to be-, a scaredy cat. However, those fears such as tall places never compared to one in specific, which is getting bored of the things I'm most passionate about. I've grown up having lots of interests and passions, but every time I become obsessed with a new thing, I wonder how long it will take me to get bored of it. I've grown out of thousands of obsessions and passions I had as a child, and that scared me in a way. Because no matter how passionate I was about that thing, or no matter how much I loved it, I knew that sometime, someday I would get bored of it.

Hence why I was stunned looking at the crowd of my already 17th show out of 80, wondering if I would ever get bored of the blinding fluorescent lights and the people screaming my name. Would I ever get tired of the attention? Would I ever get tired of being harassed by paparazzi? Would I ever get tired of what made me myself? I loved singing too much to ever get bored of it, but what if someone ruined it for me, what if Richard ruined it for me? What would happen then?

Thanks to whatever force is in charge of destiny, I got the cue to leave the stage right before my thoughts went further making me panic and run off the stage. As the lights went dim, I put my guitar back in its place and left the stage, softly running towards the right wing in hopes to find a bit of water and cool myself down.

In the moment I crossed the line that signaled the crowd officially couldn't see me, a big wave of relief washed over me. Sadly, that relief didn't last long since I found myself getting preoccupied again by the same thought that worried me before. Am I gonna get bored of singing?

I walked through the stadium until I reached my dressing room, sitting down on a chair and closing my eyes for a bit. Quickly grabbing a water bottle and taking a sip out of it, my eyes scanned my surroundings. Again, I felt like an ungrateful bitch. So many people would die to be in my place right now, and I still worried about not liking my job anymore.

And another thing hit me again.

Job.

A job.

Of course that singing became my job, after all I was getting paid for doing it. But what if it became only a job?

I shook my head in an attempt to get rid of the thoughts in my head.

God, I'm so annoying.

Suddenly the door burst open and a very familiar person entered the room.

"Hey," Bailey greeted "You're not watching Niall today?"

I shook my head, "Not today"

"Everything alright?" She asked

"Yeah, just thinking," I sent her a small smile which she didn't hesitate to return "I think I'm gonna shower and then head to the tour bus, today's show really consumed me"

"Sure, let me know if there's anything you need, alright love?"

I nodded and Bailey hugged me before leaving the room, allowing me to have a shower.

I sighed in content once I stripped from my dress, walking into the steaming water that relaxed my muscles and got rid of the thoughts around my head. When I was done, I walked out of the shower and changed into much more comfortable clothes than before.

Our bodyguard, Mike, accompanied me towards the bus, making sure I got there in one piece.

"Thanks Mike!" I yelled once he was already leaving.