Maniac || Choi Beomgyu

Chp.10-I'm okay

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Hot, white pain was all I felt whether it was physically or emotionally I couldn't tell.I remember seeing a lot of blood and I felt my upper body stiffen.

"Please... stop"

"It hurts..."

"Mum... help me"

I pathetically begged.

I passed out afterwards.

When I woke up I was in the same position the house was cold and quiet and I lay there with my uniform ripped up on the floor and in an immense amount of pain.

I turned to the side seeing the teddy bear seated on the table and I couldn't help the tears that cascaded afterwards.

'Bear...'

That was my only thought. I don't know how long I lay there, crying.

When the pain subsided a little I wobbled to the bathroom and sat in the bathtub letting the water soothe me.

But it wasn't working.

That was the first day I caused physical harm to myself, the blade to the skin was more soothing than I thought it would be.It was almost addictive.

I tried not to let the incident get to me and tried to continue on with my life and it kind of worked.

The day Beomgyu and I first made love was... the best day of my life.

Not because the sex was good but because it was more than that. As far as he knew I was his first and he was mine.

And in a sense it was true I consider him to have been my first time because he had my consent.

Everything was so different when it came to him.

The look in his eyes was soft.
His touch was gentle.
His voice soothing.

And it was because of him I stopped hurting myself. That day that horrible memory was replaced with that beautiful memory.

Of course there was still a scar of my heart but because of Beomgyu it healed.I always think he grew an attachment to me but...

Now I see it was I who grew an attachment to him.

I never admitted to my friends what I felt for him and I'm sure even he's confused about my feelings but I know...

That I love him,I loved him since the day I first saw him I just didn't realize it.

After the night I was raped I dreaded going home after school I didn't know if it would happen again and I didn't want to find out.

So I started staying out late for as long as I could, yes, before I met Beomgyu I would go out with my friends in the dead of night but that was occasionally.

After the incident I would convince Beomgyu to stay out late till the first light, but with him as well it was occasionally I would spend most nights alone.

I'd go back home when the sun would rise just to sleep for a few hours then head to school. That's why I moved out as soon as I graduated and of course took Beomgyu with me.

Because I couldn't leave if it wasn't with him.

I turn my head and gaze out the window and see the first light of day engulfing me in a warm glow.

I smile a little it reminded me of those days. How ironic.

I get up from the couch and decide to make breakfast for Beomgyu so he can eat before heading to work.

Today's my last day at the café I plan on quitting today.

I hope this is the right decision.

~

I open the café doors hearing the similar ring from the bell announcing my entrance.

I head straight to the managers office,I stood in front of the door.I take a deep breathe and then knock three times.

"Enter" I hear and open the door stepping inside.

"Good morning, sir" I greet giving a small bow.

"Good morning, what brings you here so early?" He gestures for me to take a seat and I do.

"I'm sorry that this is so sudden but I'm quitting, sir" I get straight to the point not seeing any reason in beating around the bush.

He nods his head "May I ask why?"

I wasn't expecting him to ask but I brush it off and answer anyway "Well, my colleagues speak badly about me not caring if I'm within earshot or not and I can't take it anymore"

I tell him he stands up and walks away from the desk his back facing me "I thought you needed the money" He says and I'm thrown off guard.

"W-well yes sir I do need the money but-" he's now standing in front of me.

"I can help you make double your previous salary" He speaks lowly placing his hand under my chin forcing me to meet his eyes.

I gulp "I don't understand..."

I was beginning to feel scared. He turns me around and pushes me, my lower back hitting the desk.

He pressed his body against mine and I moved around trying to get out of this situation.

"A young, pretty girl like you can make a lot of money with men like me" He says near my ear and I begin to realize what it was he was referring too.

'I need to get out of here...'

I gulped again trying to think of something to distract him long enough for me to make a run for it.

From the corner of my eye I see a half filled cup of coffee on his desk, I feel something cold and wet on my neck.

I cringe and try to push my body as far away as possible.He bites down on my neck and I take that chance, quickly grabbing the cup I threw the contents onto his face.

He pulls away and I run like my life depends on it,I ran out the café and all the way back home.

When I reached home I slammed the door shut pressing my back against it,I slowly slid down till I was seated on the floor with my head buried in my crossed arms.

I didn't want to cry,I didn't want to be weak.

But...

In that moment it wasn't what he was about to do but what had already been done was what crossed through my mind.

And right now the only thing in my mind was...

"How do I  explain all this to Beomgyu?"

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