Skips A Beat ::Wattys2016::

Chapter 27

I stick my headphones in. Today's the day. The funeral. Every muscle in my body is aching from the lack of sleep, from not eating and not drinking. My head is pounding harder than it ever has before. I've become selectively mute, selectively deaf, selectively blind for a while. I've secluded myself from the world that I don't want to be a part of.

"Things were all good yesterday, and then the devil took your memory. And if you fell to your death today, I hope that heaven is your resting place." My mom comes in, dressed in a black dress. It's time to go. "I heard the doctors put your chest in pain, but then that could have been the medicine. There you are lying in the bed again. Either way I'll cry with the rest of them."

"My father told me, son, it's not his fault he doesn't know your face. You're not the only one. Although my Grandma used to say. That he used to sing." I keep my head down. Mom is trying to talk to me, but I don't care.

"Darlin' hold me in your arms. The way you did last night. And we'll lie inside for a little while here, oh." I sniffle. I know that this song is about Ed Sheeran's grandfather ( I know because Michael went on and on about it for a solid week), but I completely relate in a different way.

"I could look into your eyes until the sun comes up, and we're wrapped In light and life and love. Put your open lips on mine." God, I miss kissing him. "And slowly let them shut for they're designed to be together, oh. With your body next to mine. Our hearts will beat as one. And we set alight. We're afire love."

I watch the world whirl past me in a green blur.

"Things were all good yesterday. Then the devil took your breath away. Now we're left here in the pain. Black suit black tie standing in the rain. And now my family is one again. Stapled together with the strangers and a friend. Came to my mind I should paint it with a pen, 6 years old I remember when."

"My father told me, son, it's not his fault he doesn't know your face. You're not the only one. Although my Grandma used to say that he used to sing."

"Darlin' hold me in your arms. The way you did last night. And we'll lie inside. For a little while here, oh."

"I could look into your eyes until the sun comes up, and we're wrapped In light and life and love. Put your open lips on mine, and slowly let them shut. For they're designed to be together, oh. With your body next to mine. Our hearts will beat as one. And we're set alight. We're afire love."

This can't be real. It's just a nightmare. I'll wake up cuddled next to Michael. He'll laugh at me because I have the dumbest dreams. It's not real.

"To the love, the love, the love, the love."

"My father and all of my family. Rise from the seats to sing Hallelujah. And My mother and all of my family. Rise from their seats to say Hallelujah.
And my brother and all of my family.
Rise from the seats to sing Hallelujah.
My father and all of my family. Rise from the seats to sing Hallelujah."

"To the love, the love, the love, the lo-."

The song is stopped when my mother stops the car. I look out the window at the funeral home. It's still cold out. Muddy. Shitty weather for a shitty world. I step out of the car, feeling like puking everywhere. Mom fixes my shirt. I wore this dark red flannel and black skinny jeans. Michael always liked this outfit the best. Technically, he liked my baseball pants the best, but I quit sports.

I trudge towards the doors, feeling heavier with each step. I push the door open, scrunching my nose at the smell. Flowers and death. It's just Karen and Daryl. There's still an hour until the actual viewing. I bite my lip as Daryl puts his hand on my back, casually leading me to the casket. I have to close my eyes at first, but I eventually open them.