You Flaming Idiot, I Love You!

8

Natsu

I rush to the bathroom, entering a stall and sitting down. My head falls into my hands.
Every heartbeat tremors my entire body. My toes curl into my shoes. I'm trying so hard not to make a sound.

Amid my rapid breaths, I stand up from the seat. My hand is still trembling as it grips the door handle. I look down at it, the one he held. I hold the back of it to my mouth. I close my eyes, picture it. Then lurch forward, back to the lobby.

He's searching around, frantic. When he meets my eyes, he freezes, the most scared I've ever seen him. Even more than when he's angered Erza.
I walk up to him. He's staring as if no other option exists.

"Hey," I say. I suddenly feel empty, like I've been drained of all my emotions after having them on blast all day.
He tries to smile, but can't. I study the shine of his shoes.

"Let's go back," I say.
"Sorry—I mean... okay."
I wait for him to do something, but he's a lost cause.
"Wanna talk about what happened?" I say. He nods.
Usually he's the one who has everything together and leads us around, but since he isn't, it's up to me now.

We stand outside in silence. It's so cold that even this sweatshirt isn't enough to keep me warm. I want to run, to disappear far away from here.

He finds a place to sit down. I take a seat beside him. Our exhales form clouds in the air. My chest is aching.
I wait for him to say something, but he doesn't as his stare refuses to leave the ground.

"Are—"
"I know I've already apologized, but I owe you another," he interjects, eyes wild as they bore into mine. He looks like his nerves have been shot to dust.
"It's fine," I say.
He exhales, smiling with his sigh. I crack a grin to match.

"Ever since we went back home after the beach, I've been... out of sorts. All over the place. I think spending all this time with you has been too much." He laughs, face hidden in his hands. 
I smile. "Let's just get dinner and go to bed. Get this over with." I stand up, start to walk. I'm holding my pockets in bunches when his shoes click past me.

"What are we gonna eat?" I say to his back. His hair and collar are billowing. I want to reach out and calm it. I don't.
"I was planning on making dinner."
Him? Cooking?
"That's... not a joke?"
"What do you take me for?"
"An idiot."
"I'm not—" He stops. I smile.
"Lead the way."
"No."

"I'm sorry."
He looks my way.
"It was just to lighten things up." I touch his shoe with mine. "Didn't expect ya to be so moody."
"It's been a long day, okay? Can't believe I'm still functioning."
"'Cause of me?"
"Yeah. 'Cause of you." It's a little hard to keep smiling.
"Well," he says, stretching his back. "We have to go get ingredients."
"Just tell me what I can do to help."
After looking at the map, he springs into motion. I follow.

We're silent until the entrance is in sight. He instructs to get a cart and load it with items he'll hand over.
The tension eases a little once we busy ourselves, going through each section of the store and finding the things we need. Like the clothing place, this is all new to me. People pass by, rolling carts and picking items. Some are sorting goods and conversing with others.

"How do you know to do these things?" I say above the activity. 
He hands me a package. "Ur believed in teaching independence early on. She'd take Lyon and I to stores like this and have us take the wheel." He won't meet my gaze, no matter how hard I stare.
"That explains it." I place it into the cart. It's not nearly as heavy as how I'm feeling.
We make our way over to the check-out station. "Couldn't really learn to do those things with Igneel as my parent. Not that I mind. Back at the guild, everything's already taken care of."
"Do you miss him?"
I stop placing the items on the moving belt. 
"You know my answer."
"I'm sorry."
I stare at his face. For some reason, I want to rip it apart.