Monophobia [DNF]

Chapter 1: Loneliness

A/N: Hello hello !! Quick disclaimer: There'll be some heavy subjects depicted in this book such as abuse, violence, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts/acts, death etc.

With that said, I won't specify TWs for each chapters. So just keep that in mind! 

Now, please enjoy! :) 

Loneliness was something that George was awfully familiar with. An introverted persona combined with a crippling fear of never being enough, sure made it difficult to form any close or long-lasting relationships.

Somehow he'd managed to find at least one good friend back in England. Not that it mattered now. He lived oceans away from that friend and the distant drove them apart. He and his mom had moved to the States about half a year ago after some shit went down between his mom and dad. It was deemed safest to move. George knew that it had been crucial. Nonetheless, this new place hadn't made it easier to find people to bond with.

Most of his time was either spent in school or working at a small café. There was little to no spare time in George's life. One might think that it sounded exhausting, and George could agree that it wasn't optimal. Still, the intensive schedule drowned out the lonesome reality that was his life.

Call him a workaholic but being at the café was one of the few times where it felt like he could breathe without draining thoughts intruding.

He wanted to think that his mom was a good person. But she fell in love with the bottle somewhere along the line, which made it difficult for her to support them both on her own. She was working part-time as a nurse, although it was a mere miracle that she was even capable of working at all.

School was a constant reminder of his situation. It was a mystery how everyone seemed to have a group of friends they belonged with. It baffled him how one would even get included from the beginning.

Surely George couldn't be the only one who had a deep-routed fear of social settings. Yet it appeared as though everyone – aside from him – had their belonging in the social pyramid.

Therefore he mostly buried himself in schoolwork and spent the breaks in the library to avoid the humiliation of eating alone in the cafeteria.

It wasn't like people were mean to him. They mostly just ignored his existence, unless they were forced to interact with him for some reason. Of course, it takes two to tango. So, George doing his utter best to make himself seem unapproachable, didn't help his case. It all came down to a low self-esteem and a trembling fear of rejection.

Working at a café might not be the most glamours job, but good enough. He often spotted people from his school and a slap of envy always rushed over him. There was a specific group that went there nearly every day after school. It consisted of you typical "popular kids". George often heard them laughing and loudly discussing upcoming events that they'd planned on attending. That's when the envious feelings peaked. They resembled what he longed for. That they were popular had nothing to do with it, social status couldn't bother him less. No, what he wanted was that close bond that they all seemed to share.

Still, George was completely unable to visualize himself being so tightly included with a group of people. That nagging voice in the back of his head had him convinced that he would never be good enough for anyone to stick around, which also made his motivation to try and make friends even lower.

It was a normal Tuesday afternoon. That same group of people sat at a round table placed in one of the corners of the café surrounded by big windows, revealing the busy life of the people outside the café. They were seven in total; four guys and three girls. George didn't know their names but recognized their faces due to serving and observing them practically every day. One of the guys, a tall, dark blonde jock, would always smile whenever George took his order. He was cute, George was prepared to admit that much. But it was painfully obvious how straight the guy was. One of the girls was practically glued to his side. She, however, never smiled, and her presences never failed to make George uncomfortable.