Beomgyu and Yeonjun have been friends since childhood. Beomgyu, the son of a CEO of a luxury car company. Yeonjun, an orphan on a scholarship for their arts school. The feelings have always been there, but neither brave enough to voice them.
When Be...
Beomgyu exits the quiet room with a pallor Yeonjun has never seen before. It's like the darkness of the room sapped out the joy and vitality that was once ever-present.
He runs to him as soon as the nurses leave him be.
He wraps his arms around Beomgyu, holding as tight as he possibly bears. Beomgyu is thinner, more fragile than usual. But Yeonjun still recognizes all the lines of his body, so familiar to him like the contours of his own hands.
It takes a while, but Beomgyu holds him back, his arms wrapped around just as tight.
"You're okay," Yeonjun whispers, for himself just as much as for Beomgyu. He needs to convince himself that Beomgyu will be okay. Perhaps declaring it out into the world will make it true.
Beomgyu's body warms, and Yeonjun waits until some color returns to Beomgyu's cheeks before he pulls back. Still, his arms are partly wrapped around Beomgyu.
"I missed you." The younger boy's voice is soft, like the whisper of a breeze.
"I was always here, silly," Yeonjun replies.
Then it's Beomgyu who closes the space between them, gripping more tightly than before. Yeonjun rubs circles into his back, imagining that they're anywhere but in the psych ward. Yeonjun notices the nurses are curious, but they don't glance at them for longer than a second. He guesses they know not to interfere with such a moment, and he's thankful that they don't ask questions, no matter how suspicious they might be.
Yeonjun grabs Beomgyu's hands, and together they walk toward the open courtyard. "Huening Kai, Taehyun, and Soobin also missed you," he says.
"I missed them too," Beomgyu says.
They find the other three boys sitting on a bench, watching the others play an intense game of basketball. It's like they were waiting for Yeonjun and Beomgyu to arrive, because there's just enough space for them to sit comfortably.
"Welcome back," Taehyun says, grinning.
"So happy you made it out of there," Huening Kai says.
"That place is horrible." Soobin makes a face, as if disgusted by something rotten. "I never want to go there again."
"Well you won't," Huening Kai says, and in the tease there's also a semblance of care. He reaches out to caress Soobin's arm, and the latter blushes a light shade of pink.
Huening Kai, Soobin, and Taehyun soon leave to begin a game of volleyball. Yeonjun opts to stay beside Beomgyu. The smaller boy leans his head against Yeonjun's shoulder, and together they watch the sun slowly arc across the sky. Yeonjun thinks of a trip to Busan for the beach, or camping at Daegu where Beomgyu spent his early childhood. He imagines a boring day at their arts school together. Another performance where they stun the audience together at their end-of-the-year showcase.
"Do you really think we can become idols?" Beomgyu asks after a while.
"Of course," Yeonjun replies without a second thought. "It's our dream. We're going to make it happen."
"But what about... all of this?"
Yeonjun, knowing his best friend so well, can curate the meaning. But he asks anyway, "what do you mean?"
"Will people really look up to me?" Beomgyu says. "Having this condition, I don't know if I would be loved. Maybe my depression will be all that they see."
Yeonjun is indignant. "There are plenty of idols with mental health issues. Anxiety, depression, and many more. Beomgyu, you can't give up your dream."
Yeonjun's shoulder is beginning to ache, but he doesn't dare move. The comfort of being so close drastically outweighs the small payment. "Okay," Beomgyu says. "I won't." There's a resolve there, one that looks forward to the future, and that comforts Yeonjun.
Taehyun spikes the volleyball, and it smacks Huening Kai right in the face. The youngest boy yelps, and Soobin covers his mouth with both hands. Everyone watching bursts out in laughter. Taehyun, starting to apologize, soon doubles over and joins in.
Beomgyu giggles, and Yeonjun ruffles the other's hair, smiling.
"The medicine is helping," Beomgyu says, after the trio resumes their game.
"Really?" Yeonjun leans toward Beomgyu, resting his chin on the crown of Beomgyu's head. "That's good news."
"Yeah." Beomgyu hums. "I still feel hopeless at times, and sometimes so lost that I can't remember what it was like to be normal. I don't know if I will ever be normal again."
"You were never normal," Yeonjun says. "I am talking to the person who screamed for an hour straight when his dance audition file got deleted."
Beomgyu grunts. "That was a totally normal reaction."
"You got in studying vocals anyway," Yeonjun says.
"I'm still so proud of you," Beomgyu says. "For getting in with that scholarship. But you know my family would've paid for you."
"But I didn't want that," Yeonjun says. "I wanted to earn my place."
Beomgyu mumbles again, getting into that sleepy mode that Yeonjun has learned to spot ever since the other has been on a heavy dosage of medication. It's hard not to find Beomgyu adorable when he nods off, but at the same time it's heartbreaking.
Yeonjun has been feeling a lot of that lately—mixed emotions, sometimes so weighed down with hopelessness that it's hard to breathe. But if the storm has been raging for so long, he knows it's close to passing. And when the first rays of sun hit the plains, he'll be the first one to run under it and meet the boy he's always loved.
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