Acquiescence of Diamond

Chapter 13

Warning: Explicit Content (Bad Language)

             "Hindi ba gano'n ka rin naman Daya?" napatigil ako sa pag-iyak para angatin ng naguguluhang tingin si Alvara. Her eyes were in pain as if I did something painful to her. What the fuck did I do to my cousin? Cousin . . . no, she won't. Inilingan ko ito. No. "Magaling ka ring tumakas sa katotohanan. Kaya ayaw mong ipaalam sa iba na mag pinsan tayo."

             My eyes blinked in shock when she really said it loudly. When she really revealed it. "Alvie, ano ba? I told you not to disclose that!" I half whispered-half shouted when I digested and got alarmed at her statement.

             They should not know that. Anyone should not know that. Fuck, no one should know that! She'll get the same prejudice as me! No!

             "Bakit? Because you're not proud to have a cousin na anak sa labas?"

             "Kasi ayokong madamay ka sa mga gulong pinasok ko noon!" I snapped. We should've discussed this privately but—I just shook my head. "You know what kind of life I have before and you know how proud I was of you! Alvara, kung gusto mo ng ikakasira mo, sige! Tell them that you're cousins with a criminal." Hindi ko alam na hindi niya naiintindihan ang punto kong iyon.

             "Wala akong pake sa sasabihin nila, kasi tanggap kita, Daya."

             "Pwes, ako hindi, Alvara." I shook my head at her saka huminga ng malalim. There's nothing from me na dapat tanggapin. I'm just a whole different shit that everyone is judging. "Hindi ko tanggap ang sarili ko, so stop pushing that fucking cousin thing to me. Madadamay lang kita."

             Eos sobbed, "We can try and help each other, guys. Just please calm down. Hindi tayo magkakaintindihan kung ganitong nagsasagutan lang kayo."

             Napailing na ako, "No, Rai was right. Hindi lang naman siya ang hindi natulungan. How can you talk about helping each other kung pati ako hindi niyo natulungan?—" I blinked by my words.

             Hindi ko alam kung papanong bumuhos ulit ang alaala ko sa nangyaring iyon. No one helped me that time but Chander. Now, he's gone. Then these people in front of me will be gone soon too. There's no one with me soon. Ako na lang ulit mag-isa.

             "What do you mean, Daya?" I heard Eos asked curiously.

             The images of me being alone with Rosson that night crawls on my mind. Walang Chander na dumating doon. Tulad noon ay wala ring kahit sinong kaibigan ko ang naroon.

             "Daya, what happened?" Eos' voice is now with nervousness as I continue shaking my head.

             "Daya—"

             Napatingin na ako kay Rai sa ambang pagtanong niya. She was with them that night. Hindi ba nila ako narinig o sadyang wala na sila doon? "The time Hiraya asked me to get her wallet . . . " a tear fell from my eyes as the memory freshened.

             "What? Isusumbat mo ba sakin na nakulong ka?"

             I shook my head saka pumikit na lang. "No . . . " I continued shaking my head as I turned my ears deaf from them. "I . . . I was . . . I was almost . . . " naiiyak na umiling na lang ako sa mga ito. I can still see Rosson's face lusting on me. I can still feel his thorn-like touch. "I can't say this—Just don't mind me," I sobbed hard when Eos went to console me and as the chaos started again.