Control (Dark Romance)

Chapter 18

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Somehow, this turned out really fucking long so enjoy!

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Hagen's P.O.V

"Hagen

"You're scared."

"Not scared, just nervous. I don't know what it's like without it, ya know."

"Nothing will change."

What a fucking lie.

Pain jolts me awake. An awful, soul-deep pain that only one person could cause. I pop my eyes open, searching for him, but it's too late– he's already gone.

My heart seizes from the horrible ache that grows quickly, getting worse with each step he puts between us until there's a physical hole inside my chest where I know he's supposed to be.

Why was he doing this? Again? Why did he have to do this every night?

Inside, Zyair whines, lost as I was between staying put or going after our mate. The pain made it simple; I should go after him, but then there was that terrible, tiny niggling thought... what if he was trying to get away from me? Zyair's whine grows pitiful, almost slipping from my lips as I curl under the sheets, my heart tearing in opposite directions.

Something was wrong with Nikola, and not just now or tonight. Something was wrong; I just didn't know what.

"Nothing is going to happen." My thoughts stall the moment Nikola's voice fills the studio. It's a whisper, the words barely there from hid gruff voice, but in the dead of night, I hear every syllable.

"We won't do anything but–" He pauses, and there's a beat of silence. "But?" More silence. "But wait for the stupid awareness to pass." He's quiet for a minute, and then, "Nothing is going to happen."

Frowning, I listen carefully as Nikola repeats the sentences over and over again, his voice dipping in and out as he talks to himself. Except he wasn't, not entirely. It sounded like it, but really, he was repeating the one we'd had on New Year's night when I'd basically asked him to move in with me.

He repeated my words and his own, saying them with the exact tone and cadence we had, but I didn't get why. Why was he was thinking about that now and why the hell was he saying it out loud by himself in the middle of the night?

My fingers curl tightly around my sheet as worry fattens inside of me.
I should go. Something is definitely wrong. What if he needs me? Did he need me? I didn't know.

Nik sounded fine, he sounded like himself, and even though the repetition was odd, he didn't sound scared or anxious, so what if I made it worse by intruding when he thought he had privacy. Goddess knew it was hard enough to get a moment to yourself when we were always one step away from one another.

But what if he wasn't?

Biting back a groan of frustration, I stay in bed a little longer, waiting or maybe stalling, as minutes pass with Nikola voicing a constant loop of our conversation, and then, he just stops.

Without warning, he stops talking entirely, leaving silence to drape itself over the studio. I barely allow myself to breathe as I wait, listening for anything other than my carefully measured heartbeat. Nothing comes.

It's almost scary– the horrible silence, and for a moment, I feel like I'm watching a horror movie and waiting for the jumpscare you know is coming any second. The one that would scare you, even when he prepped for it.