Control (Dark Romance)

Chapter 21

Hagen's P.O.V

I'm already gasping for air by the time my eyes open, placing me back in my current bedroom instead of the one in my dreams.

A second ago, I'd been screaming so much my throat felt like it was being shredded by the shards of glass piercing my wet fists, and now I was here, back in my room with— I glance to the side and still when I find him sound asleep beside me.

With his hand on his chest and his lips sealed shut, Nikola breathed low as he slept, each breath just as measured as him. Any other time, seeing him sleeping like a vampire would've been comical, but now, with the edges of my dream still so close to the surface, the sight of him made me shudder out a slow, shaky breath.

I didn't know if the relief was because he was still asleep or if seeing him confirmed that I was here with this version of him and not the one in my dreams. Fuck. I tear my gaze away, blinking several times as I try to settle my mind within the present.

That was a long time ago, and it was over. It was over. Nikola wasn't like that anymore; he'd changed— said sorry. It was over.

I force my eyes to close and try to fall asleep again, but my heart is still beating too fast for that. I try to breathe slowly instead, to do some of Peter's meditation tricks, but each inhale fills my lungs with his scent, and it's all too much. Without warning, my body cages up, allowing panic to take me by storm as I sit up, pulling the sheets back with trembling fingers.

Moving quickly but quietly, I slip out of bed and head into the living room, where everything tilts and sways. I shake my head, trying to clear it. I just needed some space right now, and then I'd be fine, and this horrible ache plaguing my chest would go away.

But putting space between Nik and I felt like tearing apart the very fabric of our slowly mending bond— wrong and painful, which was confusing as hell when I knew going back would only make things worse. I just couldn't be close to my mate right now, not when his scent made all sorts of contradicting emotions rise within me.

These days, Nikola's scent made me feel happy and safe, but before, it'd made me feel scared... and though it didn't anymore, after that dream... I shake my head hastily, trying to brush it all off, but that doesn't work because, of course it doesn't.

We were apart but barely. There were traces of him all over this place now, and it was more than just the addictive aroma of leather in the air. It was in the way my counters glistened, cleared since all my cups were either washed or in their rightful homes. And then there was the complete lack of clothes on the floor because, for once, they were folded away properly.
All his changes meant that there were parts of Nikola everywhere, even when there wasn't a physical piece, and though I was learning to like it, right now, it was almost suffocating.

My ears twitch just as my phone vibrates atop my coffee table, the sound jarring in the otherwise silent night, and I rush to grab it before it can shake its way off or, worse, wake Nikola up. I answer immediately, not needing to check the name because I already knew exactly who it was, and that had relief already flooding me.

"Hagen," Josey groans tiredly. "It's three in the fucking morning. Why are you freaking out at three in the fucking morning?"

Something breaks or pulls together– I don't fucking know. All I know is that the moment Josey's grumpy voice crackles over the line, letting me know I'm not alone, something inside of me eases. The world stops spinning like a merry-go-round, my heart stops pursuing a drumming career, and my eyes fall shut as I release a heavy sigh.

"H-Hey," I manage, lips already tugging up. "Who says I'm freaking out?"

"Hagen, please. I feel like I just did a hundred jumping jacks, and I sure as shit didn't, so..." she curses under her breath, and I hear sheets ruffling, "what's going on?"