Control (Dark Romance)

Chapter 28

Nikola's P.O.V

I stare blankly at the ceiling above me. The flat, white ceiling with its unimpressive presence while I ground myself back to where I actually was.

It would be so easy to let my tired eyes fall shut, to continue endorsing the illusion that I was floating in an empty bottomless pit, but it would not last forever. There was no barren, noiseless pit; that wasn't real, and if I lingered in my own head for too long, it'd only become more difficult to come out.

But it was nice— hearing nothing and seeing just as much. I'd closed my eyes, lied down, and with my headphones firmly in place, everything else had just ceased to be. It was like a switch turned off, one that blurred out the rest of the world and blessed me with quiet and peace and... nothingness.

I sigh, rubbing my fingers over the edges of the coarse linen beneath me.

I was used to needing breaks from people and situations I didn't like, but I'd never before needed one from Hagen. Hagen was my safe place. Hagen had always been my safe place. I shouldn't need breaks from him, but today had been different and I had, desperately.

I didn't like that.

I didn't like that even as I was in his space, where I should've been happiest, I was alone, with a chest locked tight around my heart.

As cold scales slide over my fingers and a heaviness slithers across my chest, I shift my gaze to meet Knots' patient stare. He'd been cooped up in here, hiding all 13 feet of himself while Hagen's friends had been over, and yet, he still doted on me as if I were the one who needed company.

"I'll take you out soon," I promise with a pet that he leans into. "So that you can hunt properly."

Knots squirms, clearly excited at the prospect even as his concern for me rises. I hadn't been in the best state today, but he understood why, and it wasn't anything he could fix himself. So he snuggles closer, cuddling me in the ways he can, and I almost doze off from the familiar comfort, but I can't.

Even as exhausted as I was, I couldn't pretend that Hagen wasn't still waiting for me, waiting to talk. It'd been hours since his friends left and I'd locked myself away to breathe, and he was still waiting for me.

A few weeks ago, the prospect would've brought me enough joy to fuel me for days on end, and it was there, but there was little room to relish such a thing.

I pat Knots' scales in warning before I sit up. Focusing only on the space in front of me, I take a deep breath before I remove my headphones.

It's Knots that keeps it from all being too much, too quickly— the reawakening of every sound around me as the world makes its entrance with unabashed pride. His scales and grounding magic help me adjust enough that my breathing doesn't run away from me as I send my headphones back into their rightful home.

It settles quickly, and as I look around and my focus settles instantly on him, I try to deduce how this might go.

Hagen wanted to talk before and I doubted that would've changed. I usually liked talking to Hagen, but not when it came to matters of discourse. For Hagen, it all came out one way or another— what he was feeling. For me, it was hard putting together the first sentence.

And besides, what good would talking do on a subject unlikely to change?

It would be easier to lie back down and go to sleep. But I could hear him out there— feel him as my senses tuned onto him with no effort at all. I could hear his heart thumping away, his shuffled steps and muttered rambles to himself as he moved anxiously just beyond the threshold between his bedroom and the rest of his apartment.