TW // ABUSE • MENTION OF SUICIDE ATTEMPT + SELF HARM
FLASHBACK
"jordan no!" i screamed at my boyfriend as he threw my phone on the ground and stomped on it. "that's what you get for going behind my fucking back". his screams always sent fear through my veins. I knew i'd fucked up by shouting back at him, but i was at my wits end. "i'm sorry" i whispered so quietly that i wasn't sure if he'd heard me. "say that again", he almost matched my quiet tone. "i'm sor-" before i could finish my sentence i felt his fist connect with my face and everything went black.
i was already feeling on edge due to my encounter with jasper but this, this had sent me over the edge. i continued staring at the screen whilst i was being bombarded with text messages
UNKNOWN
do you really think i was gonna stop that easily?
no stay in a hospital 100s of miles away is gonna change anything my love
you're mine
you always will be mine and nothing is going to fucking change that
~
all the memories came flooding back of that night. the night that sent me back into hospital. the night that made me attempt to end it all.
things with jordan weren't always that bad. we'd met online a few years ago and just started off as friends. our friendship lasted a while and it was really good. around 6months into knowing him things started to change. he asked more questions surrounding what i was doing where i was going who i was seeing. at the time i just assumed it was someone being overly caring considering my mental state. around the 1year mark of us being friends we met in person things had gotten worse. he would chose my outfits for me and chose my music and even the stuff i would watch in tv. i found out that he had been deleting my texts as well from my friends. i was so blindsided at the time though and couldn't fully understand what was wrong with this. Of course things got worse when we entered into a romantic relationship and well yeah i won't bore you with the details.
i sat on my bed in shock at the messages. i didn't know what to do. all these thoughts were flooding my head and i couldn't think straight. i felt the tears well up in my eyes but i was determined to not let them escape. i took a screen recording of the never ending messages, sent them to maddi and then shut my phone off.
i felt myself sink lower and lower into my emotions and thoughts and knew this wouldn't end well.
THE NEXT DAY
id barely slept out of fear. i stayed up all night doing things i probably shouldn't have been doing, but life goes on and therefor i unfortunately have to go to school especially if i don't want to raise any suspicion. fortunately for me my parents had gotten called into work early so i was able to sulk around the house without getting any questions. i took my meds which i knew realistically wouldn't help my mental state right now but it was worth a try. i threw some cleanish clothes on the bed before slipping into them. all i wanted to do was hide in the abyss today so black baggy clothes it is. just as i had finished getting dressed i heard 3 loud bangs at the door. of course the panic set in immediately because as far as i knew this could be jordan coming to kill me. i sneaked downstairs trying not to make any sound so not to tell the person outside that there was someone in the building. as i reached the bottom of the stairs i once again spotted the familiar volvo parked outside, i could relax a little again. i timidly opened the door not knowing what jasper i was going to be met with today. he didn't say anything, he just stood there for roughly 10 seconds staring at me, analysing me, his breathing very rapid and his eyes wide before i got back in his car and sped away. what the fuck is wrong with this guy.
as i stepped foot on the grounds of the school maddi rushed right up to me. she was talking, i don't know what about i was just focusing on not collapsing right now. last night was awful and now i just feel so weak and destroyed. i only snapped back into reality when she grabbed my arm right on top of a burn id "accidentally" formed last night. "watch it!" i yelped and pulled my arm away, luckily she got the message and didn't bother pushing too hard. jasper on the other hand, despite being at the other end of the hall way looked in pain too, as if someone had just burnt him. i brushed it off and just put it down to his general weirdness. "just take it easy today okay? if you need to ditch i'll cover for you" maddi's sweet voice rang through my ears "thanks" i whispered and threw my arms around her and gave her a tight squeeze. as she ran off to join her friends she was almost instantly replaced with the Ice King himself. just like this morning he just stood in front of me scanning every inch of my being. "can i help you??" i questioned, my annoyance very evident in the tone of my voice. "you're hurt"
"what"
"i said your hurt?"
"and what makes you think that then?"
"i saw you pull away when she grabbed you so"
"oh right" i tried to walk away and towards my locker hoping to escape him but he just followed.
"what happened?"
"beats me"
"don't lie to me Alex"
"i'm not" i said sheepishly
"your heart rate increased when you said beats me so yes you're lying" what. how the fuck did he know that? i reached into my locker my sleeves rolling up just a tad, slightly revealing my new mark. i felt jaspers eyes burn into my sole, quite fitting for the circumstance if you ask me.
"see this is what i don't understand about you jasper one minuet you're all 'oh we can't be friends' the next you're randomly turning up at my house and questioning me about my activities and quite honestly i don't need another head fuck of a man in my life so make up your fucking mind" i slammed the locker shut and stormed off. Jasper Hales head fuckery was the last thing i needed today. i could feel my anger bubbling in my and new i needed some fresh air before i did anymore damage.
Go back to school they said it'll be fun they said. bullshit.
A/N
hi hello look it's an update finally. yes this steers away from the original timeline/storyline a bit but i wanted to add a bit more to explain Alex's character a bit better and who knows we might see his throat get ripped out at some point
YOU ARE READING
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