No Ordinary Love - G.Callen NCIS L.A

Chapter 21

They were upstairs in her living room. Kensi was on her way back to Ops and Grisha was talking to Dee about how he'd ended up at NCIS in the first place. Where his scars came from. Why he had them. Why he chose this line of work. That he loved his job, but that he could understand that it might be too much for her to handle, because it meant that there might be a day that he wasn't coming home.

Dee sat in her chair, asking questions, listening to him talk, sipping tea. She wasn't surprised that he did what he did. A lot of things made sense now. How he always checked their surroundings wherever they went. Checking for backdoors and emergency exits. Carrying a gun no matter where he went.

Finally, he stopped talking, not really looking at her.

"Just to make sure: every morning that I let you go, could be the last time that I see you? That I get to tell you that I love you?"

"Technically, yes."

"Is it just me then or do you have one of the most dangerous jobs out there?"

He took a breath. "Probably. But somebody has to..."

Dee held up her hand. "Stop defending yourself right there." Scooting closer, she took his head in her hands and met his eyes, as she had done months before when he'd shown her the house. "Grisha... Baby. Look at me. Stop expecting me to run. I'm here. I'm in this for the long haul. Yes, you have a dangerous job. And yes, I'll worry more about you when I kick you out of the door in the morning. But it's the job you chose, the one you're good at. It suits you. No need to defend yourself for being who you are. I love you."

Grisha searched her eyes for any sign that her feelings contradicted her words, but he found nothing. She meant business. She meant every word she said. "Are you sure? Because I might get injured, or hurt, worse than I am right now. I might have to travel for a while. And one day I might not even come home, no matter how hard I try." He didn't want to scare her off, but he was trying to be realistic. Okay, maybe he was trying to scare her off. A part of him still expected her to run. Like Joelle had. Like every other girlfriend in the past had.

"All the more reason to make every day count." Deja kissed him. "I mean it, Grisha, stop expecting me to run. I won't. Not now. Not ever. I'll worry. Let me worry. It's part of my job as your girlfriend to worry. But don't expect me to go running. I won't. I'm staying right here."

He tried blinking tears away, but one stubbornly went rolling down his cheek. "Why? Why do you choose to stay when there are so many other guys out there? Why me?"

"Because you are great. You're a gentleman, you're smart, and loyal and you make me laugh like no one else has. You're honest, and kind, and I see you struggle every day with facing your fears head on, no matter how much they scare you." She tried to swallow past the lump in her throat, but like him, didn't completely succeed either. "Because with you I finally get to be me, instead of feeling like a trophy. Because with you I don't have to worry about handing you my heart and getting it destroyed in the process, because I see you trying to be a better man every single day. For me." She laughed through her tears. "I'm actually glad you've told me about your job. I have to tell you something, too."

He frowned, not sure what to expect. "What is it?"

Taking a deep breath, she started. "Ted probably told you that I've been hurt before, right?"

"New Years Eve." An uneasy feeling was creeping up on him.

"Yeah." She swallowed, plucking at some none existing lint on his arm. "I've been married before. A long time ago, already. Ten years. To Kevin. Kevin was the total opposite of you. He was charming in his own right, but he was self absorbed, egotistical, a bully. At first I didn't really think any of it, you know, being young and naïve. He was the son of a businessman my father knew. To make a long story short, we fell in love, got married. It wasn't until a year after the wedding Kevin showed his real self." She took another breath. "You know those scars I have on my lower back? It's from when Kevin shoved me into the hall mirror, breaking it into a million pieces. Some of them ended in my back. He's hit me more times than I care to count, he's beaten me with things... At first, I thought that if I tried harder, if I'd be a better wife, he'd see that his behavior wasn't right, that he'd stop. Like I said, I was young and naïve."

Grisha swallowed. It was a good thing that he couldn't do anything without his arm; otherwise he'd be out the door and on his way to Ops, to tell Nell to find this guy so he could beat him to a pulp.

"After three years, I finally understood that I deserved better. I went back to my parents for a while, got the divorce started. But he'd hurt me, real bad, Grisha, in so many ways..." Biting her lip, she shook her head to clear it of the memories. "I might look like I'm this upbeat, overly positive person who doesn't have anything to hide, but even I have my secrets."

"Then why did you try again? A relationship? Love?"

"For the same reason you did. Because I want to be loved. Because deep down inside I still believed that there is someone out there that can love me the way I am supposed to be loved. Like you. It's the way people are programmed. We all need to be loved."

He still didn't completely understand. "Why try with me?"

"There was something about you that felt trustworthy from the first moment that I met you. And as you now know, that means a lot, coming from me." Dee squeezed his hand. "You're nothing like Kevin. Nor will you ever be."

Something resonated with him. "The gun... Oh my god, Dee, the gun must've scared the hell out of you. Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I want to trust you. And we have to fight our own demons. You wouldn't have been ready to tell me then, Grisha, like I haven't been ready to tell you this until now. So I tried to take it slow and see where all this was going to go, and give over to that trust."

He knew she was right. If she'd pushed, he'd have run in the other direction without looking back. But now, he knew that he loved her. And he'd do anything to show her every day that he loved her. Gathering her close with his good arm, he kissed the top of her head. "I love you."

She giggled, wiping tears away. "You do?"

"Oh god, Dee... Yes, I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you." Why had this been so hard? He loved her. He always would. "Because you dare to be yourself around me, and you want to trust and you still want to love and you help me be a better person every day. For trusting me with your secrets, few as they may be, compared to mine. I love you."

"I love you too, Grisha."

For a while, they sat there, not saying anything. Then Dee pulled away. "Look at us," she smiled. "Two people who are trying to get life right. You get now why I said that I don't care about the luxuries in life? I've had the luxuries for longer than I care to remember, but the situation was all wrong. I prefer your house, and this apartment and the safe places we created there together over any of those luxuries I've had."

Now he understood. "I understand." After a pause, he added: "You do know that I'll never, ever raise a hand against you, Dee? I'll never physically or emotionally hurt you? I need you to know that." He was practically begging her to grasp that. He'd rather kill himself than ever raise a hand against her.

Taking his hand, she nodded. "With the job you do, keeping this part of the world safe for all of us? You're not that person, Grisha. I know that. I can feel it."

"I love you."

She'd never get tired of hearing that. "I love you, too."