Before Us (Kanade x Mafuyu)

Hurt

(TW: SELF HARM!!!!! ALSO OMFG I FEEL REALLY CRINGY FOR WRITING THIS IM SORRY)

SRSLY IF YOU DON'T LIKE DESCRIPTIONS OF SH SKIP THIS ONE!!!

Mafuyus POV:

I turned of my monitor and pc after K went offline. I cover my face with my hands and think about what I have just done. The guilt and shamelessness going through me. Why did I do that? Am I just unaware of how people can feel? Am I useless?  Why was I so...hopeful? I will never have a special someone. Its over. 

I get out of my chair slowly and start walking to my bed searching and searching for my silver scissors. My eyes and the scissors meet and I grab them quickly and hold them open on my arm. Am I really gonna do this? Again?

Its my only way out, my parents wont bother to get me a therapist anyways because I am such a perfect girl. My parents never cared about me, im just a tool for them to brag about. School isn't any better, if I don't get good grades I get grounded or hit. I have no other choice. The scissors slowly make a cut on my arm, blood starts dripping of my arm. I stare at this cut, watching more and more blood emerge from the wound. I continue cutting until I run out of space on my forearm. I reach for the almost empty bandage roll on my desk and wrap it around my forearm that is covered in cuts. I finish wrapping it up and put the bandage role back on my desk.

I grab my cheap earphones, they weren't the best but they did what they needed to do. I open spotify and right away pops up my playlist called "Listen don't read". Maybe a bit of a cheesy name but it has the songs I need to stop myself from hurting. Immediately I get an ad, I wait impatiently for it to end. But that of course led to 2 other annoying ads on why I should get spotify premium. Then finally I start hearing a song: we fell in love in october by girl in red.

 Smoking cigarettes on the roof

You look so pretty and I love this view

I listen carefully to the lyrics.

We fell in love in october

That's why, I love fall

I'll never get someone like that.

Looking at the stars

Admiring from afar

But it would be nice.

I listened to the rest of the song daydreaming about the lyrics, until a song that I didn't even add to my playlist starts playing and I close the spotify app. I haven't checked my twitter in a while, I guess I could check it out.

Hm.. oh it's Ena's 2 year Twitter anniversary, I could see the comments on that.

User28372: yay cg Ena!

watermelonAndp1neapple: wow already?!? Time goes by quickly!

Mhafan69: why is this on my homepage?

No matter what I do I feel guilt for saying that on nightcord, but I can't cut, it's already too much. The urge... I suddenly hear knocking on my door, it's my mom.

"Mafuyu dear, it's time to sleep!", said my mother sounding a bit angry. "Yes mother." I grumbled.

Slowly, I opened the Spotify app again and listened to music until I dozed off to sleep.

I am SO sorry guys I keep forgetting about this and I have a shit ton of school work. But I finally wrote this and I hope I made it a bit more uhmm...long? Anyways I hope you guys like it!

-Author