Monaxiá

Part seven - Kate..??

Ellas POV:

It's been a week and dads been even more strict on how much I move around, over the weekend after Charlie checked me over last Friday he made sure i rested a lot and didn't walk- especially at night. The only thing that's keeping me sane is the cool new fidget toys I got from Charlie, even dad steals them sometimes but he is kind enough to let me keep a cute pink and white fidget dice thing. It's similar to one a friend had a couple years ago when everyone had them.

on Monday Charlie checked on me again and changed my bandages where me and dad spent the rest of the day in the cinema room for the first time which was cool. I even saw a couple new dogs from a distance before we turned a corner. It was a Great Dane and a smaller chihuahua- so probably Athena and pickles.

Then Tuesday night I had my first nightmare. Since I arrived I haven't really slept, and if I did it was just like blinking with no dreams. But on Tuesday night I woke up screaming and in a sweat- I almost rolled off of the bed.

I don't really remember much after that but I remember I kind of 'woke up' hours later when the sun was up and no one was in the room with me and when I went to the door to see if anyone was outside Alex opened the door and seemed relieved and said something about me being 'back'.

I think after I woke up from my dream I had an episode where I fully believed I was back... there. Dad said I was speaking Russian and that I threw a lamp at him and Alex while shouting and crying.

I don't remember what my episode was about neither do I remember what my first episode- when I was hiding under the bed- was about. I can only piece together what it may of been about by thinking about what situation I was going through and if it's similar to what I did but I really don't want to think about it.

I really hope I don't do anything I might regret. I seem to think I'm back there and see kind people as people who want to hurt me. Kind of like re-enacting a memory but I'm the only person who knows what's happening in my head.

But since then, now it's Friday, I've been strictly on bed rest just like I have the past couple weeks as dads worried about me hurting myself. But I don't know how to tell him how lonely I feel. Obviously it's nothing to what I felt there but I can't really see myself feeling any happier any time soon. Or even ever.

I've been having bad dreams more often, I've been stuck on bed rest for the past couple weeks, I can't talk to anyone, I can't tell dad I'm not happy because anything is better than there. I also have dad with me 24/7, which before I didn't have so I could never complain and I love dad so it's not a problem I'm with him all of the time.

It's more how isolated I feel, Charlie said some good news last week about me being able to walk soon- or just start physical therapy- so hopefully that's soon as I can't wait to go out and about more because this rooms starting to feel really really suffocating.

Laying in bed curled into a big burrito I stare out of the window, I was able to get up and open it as dad had to quickly go to a short meeting and is going to be back in a minute. Outside is so pretty though, I forgot how long me, vittoria and Luciano where driving through trees to get here. Outside shows a large garden and a vast, endless ocean of green trees that almost waves in the distance from how far the hills reach.

Off far away I can even see some mountains.

Maybe one day me and dad can go on a hike?

"Ella?" Dad asks opening the door as I quickly wipe my tears on the sleeve of my jumper, "you opened the window? Is that all you did because you know you could hurt y-" he pauses when he crouches beside my crying burrito self and instantly grows concerned, "w-what's wrong?"