Monaxiá

Part nine - more, more and more.

Ellas POV:

"Just got off a call with Becky," dad says laying on his stomach facing me on the bed as I glance at him before returning my gaze to the tv, "she misses you a lot, and Lauren," when he says their names a sharp pain shoots through my chest, I shuffle about uncomfortably as he stays silent.

It's been two days since my therapy session and I haven't been able to leave the room again, it's like just a week ago again where whenever me and dad get to the end of the hallway I feel physically sick until I'm back here. I also haven't talked to anyone yet- especially not anyone from london, a simple reason for that is because I simply can't speak, another is the fact I don't really know what to say.

I can say I'm fine and that I'm getting better, which are both the lies, I'm definitely not fine but at least physically I'm getting better- Charlie says i might be able to start some simple exercises soon. but I do miss them, Lauren was like my sister and becky was like my mum so I really do want to talk to them- I just don't know what to say.

"Maybe.. you can text her?" He asks and I quickly shake my head. Frowning he nods accepting my answer before rolling on his back and resting his arm round my waist as he also watches the tv.

I really do want to talk to Becky, again- she's like my mum but I know she and everyone else has questions. Lots of questions all of which I don't want to answer nor think about.

But I don't want to push them away, I do really really love them. Their basically my mum and sister, I want to still be with them but with them still in london and having questions and being a reminder of my past I really don't know if I can bring myself to talk to them. Or Anyone.

"Ella.." dad starts as he pauses the film, sitting up and turning his body to face me he smiles sadly, "I-I know it's really hard. I know you don't want to talk to anyone about anything and you might not want to think about before or even before-before in london." He says before taking a big deep breath and looking at me closely, "but I really think you shouldn't push this back any further."

We sit in silence for a couple seconds.

"I can tell her to not ask any questions about what happened to you, and for her to not push anything and I can be right here with you- you don't even have to call j-just text." He says his hands in a small ball in his lap.

He really wants me to talk with her.

He probably just wants me to communicate to someone other than him.

I take a small breath before nodding, dad immediately smiles and hugs me, not noticing my flinch at his quick actions he opens his phone and texts someone before passing me his phone already open and on chat with Becky, "I'm just going to be here okay?" He asks sitting back and giving me some space as I look back to the chat.

"Becky: aw hope everything's okay x" -9:45am-

"Anthony: hey beck, Ella's agreed to have a chat with you but please don't ask any questions about anything that can make her upset she's hesitant to talk to anyone about anything understandably but I really just want her to have a talk with someone she knows and trusts who isn't me so please be understanding and not push for anything ;))" -9:50am-

"Becky: okay I understand xx" -9:50am-

My hands shake as I hold the phone weakly, I take yet another deep breathe before typing with shaky hands.

"Ella: hello" -9:55am-
-read- -9:55am-

I Pause as the 'typing' thing shows on the screen as becky types out a reply. My heart beats in my ears as I shuffle nervously with the phone shaking in my sweaty hands. I don't look at my scarred fingers as I keep my eyes concentrated on the new reply from becky.