The mate of his nanny

Chapter 93: Regrets

Edrick

I was passing by Ella's room when I overheard Moana and Ella talking, and my heart sank a little when I heard Ella's question.

"Um... Do you think that you and my daddy really will get married one day?" she asked, no doubt because of the children at the orphanage thinking that Moana and I were engaged.

There was a long pause; I almost considered going in there and talking to Ella myself as I wasn't quite sure how well Moana would handle it, especially after how upset she'd been that morning, but it turned out that I didn't need to.

"Sometimes things just don't work out that way," Moana finally replied. Her voice was soft and gentle.

"Well... Why not?" Ella asked. "In all of my fairytales and princess movies, the boy and the girl always fall in love and get married and live happily ever after."
Another pause.

"Real life just isn't always like your fairytales or princess movies," Moana said after several long moments. "But that's okay. I promise that we'll all still have our happily ever after... It'll just be a little bit different."

I was a bit taken aback by how well Moana handled the situation. It warmed my heart, honestly, to hear how sweetly she spoke to Ella. She could have easily said something sarcastic or backhanded because of how angry she was with me for what happened that morning, but she didn't tarnish my daughter's perception of me. Honestly, did I even deserve that?

Sometimes I wondered if Ella should know that her father was... Not the man she thought I was. I couldn't help but wonder, either, if Ella would always feel a little bitter about my relationship with Moana; especially if she ever found out that her mother wasn't actually dead.

Ella seemed satisfied by this response, and as I stood there, I saw the light flick off in the room followed by the sound of Moana's footsteps approaching. I didn't have time to move out of the way before she opened the door and saw me standing there.

"Oh," she said, her face grim and cold, "I didn't know you were here."

"I was just coming to say goodnight," I replied.
Moana nodded.

"Well, she's still awake, so now's your chance." She then stepped out of my way, avoiding my gaze, and headed toward her room - but I couldn't contain my frustration any longer, and I followed her.

"Actually," I said, standing behind her as she opened her bedroom door, "I'd like to talk to you."

Moana froze, her hand still on the doorknob. She seemed to be unsure as to whether she wanted to speak to me or not, and I understood that, but at the same time I felt as though I had a right to explain myself. She got some seriously wrong ideas about me that morning that I needed to set straight, and she hadn't given me a chance all day to explain anything. Even though I tried to make it up to both her and Ella today, she still didn't seem satisfied.

"Fine," she finally said, her voice low. She opened her door and stepped in. I followed and closed the door behind us. "What is it?" she asked as she folded her arms across her chest.

I frowned, a bit annoyed still by her harsh attitude, but I decided to push my own angry thoughts down to at least try to have a civil conversation.

"You got some seriously wrong ideas about me this morning that I need to set straight," I said.

"Oh?" Moana asked, raising an eyebrow. "Was that your perfume, then? Or am I not allowed to ask or care, even though I'm carrying your baby in my belly?"

I paused, gritting my teeth. There were a few choice words that I wanted to say in response to that, but I chose to take the high road instead and took a deep breath before responding. "First of all, I'm sorry that I fell asleep like that on the couch," I said. "I had a drink at the bar, and then I finished off that whiskey bottle when I got home, but I was only exhausted... Not drunk." I really wasn't drunk that night; Moana didn't seem to believe me, but I kept going anyway. "Furthermore, I didn't sleep with anyone," I said.

"Why did you reek of women's perfume, then?" she interrupted, her frown deepening. I watched her for a moment as she glared up at me. As I stood in front of her, even from a bit of a distance, I realized how small she was despite the air of indignant confidence she was trying to put across. She almost seemed to be unintentionally making herself smaller with her stance and her posture, as though she was recoiling into herself.

I shook my head, then sighed and stared down at the floor. Admittedly, I didn't want the truth to come out now... But it had to.

"I almost did sleep with someone," I admitted. "At the bar. I came close, but... I couldn't do it. I decided against it."

When I looked back up, Moana's eyes were wide. She no longer had her arms folded across her chest and now had them hung at her sides, where she was clenching and unclenching her fists. Whether it was out of anger, frustration, hurt, or all three, I couldn't quite tell.

"Well... Why did you decide against it?" she asked. Her voice, which had been solid and even-toned before, now sounded small and almost childlike. Even in the dim light of her room, I could see that tears were beginning to form in her round, green eyes.

I didn't know what to say. Of course I only did it to get my mind off of her, to try to distract myself and hopefully get over whatever strange fascination I had with her, but when I opened my mouth to say that, nothing would come out.

Moana, noticing this, took in a sharp breath and narrowed her eyes.

"If you don't have anything else to say, then you can leave my room now," she said, pointing to the door behind me with a shaking hand.

I nodded and turned back to the door. But when I put my hand on the doorknob, I couldn't bring myself to open it. It was now that the words finally came out. Maybe turning away from her, not looking her in the eye, gave me the strength to do that.

"I decided against it because I can't stop thinking about you," I said.

Moana was silent. I still couldn't bring myself to turn around and face her, because if I did, I knew that I wouldn't be able to control myself again. Just like last night, I knew I would kiss her if I looked at her, and would probably take things even further than that just like I secretly wanted to.

I had to leave before that could happen. It would only be bad for both of us, as well as Ella and the baby, if I let it happen.
Without another word, I swung the door open and walked out, hearing it shut behind me.

As I stood there in the hallway, all I could think about was what I was going to do if I could no longer control myself around this strangely captivating human nanny.